He actually called me this morning!
" Hi, it's dad...how are you son?"
I was suprised to hear from him...oh, he cares... sort of.
He comes down to Oslo every time they think I might bite the dust...
" How is Siri?" I ducked his question...don't wanting to spill my guts for him.
"She is fine, just fine...she says hi" ....silence...
"So when did you get home from hospital"? ...he asks polite, distant.
Never realy wanting to know. Probebly his wife told him to call me...
It feels akward smalltalking to someone not realy intrested in doing so...
so I chose not to answer.
I wonder if he can keep up the conversation with me beeing the reluctant part?
Looong silence...
" Um, uh..how is your ...hm "things" healing up?"
"How is my what?" I'm not giving him an easy time now..
"Youre..hm...privates..
" Oh you mean my balls and prostate!" I joyfully replys.
"They are healing alright! But they still hurt like hell,
and I hurt from having sex too...
He coughs... I know he hates the idea of me fucking Sander...
That's why I have to slam it in his face! He falls silent...a long time.
Then I say : "Are'nt you gonna ask how Sander is?"
New cough.."Oh...um...How is he?" I cant resist provoking him...
"He is asleep at the moment..we've been fucking all morning..
U know the doc's said I got to keep my prostate in shape" I laugh..
Stuned silence...
Then...
"Uh..i have to get back to work.You Have a fine day.
Say hello to granny for me will you?"
Then he hangs upp..
And I burst in to tears.....
I just want him to love me....to love us!
Is that realy to much to ask?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZBfnccgNB0
About Me
- Ravn...
- Norway
- My name is Ravn...meaning raven in english.. Norwegian,boy,gay, 25 year old, In love with the 70ts. Tom Waits,vampires, and Italien movies. I live with my boyfriend in our very own house. Both of us struggles with chronic diseases, but love helps us survive. (My God! That was pathetic)
My Blog List
Thank's Leo !!
4 comments:
Hey Sweetie - Your conversation with your Dad makes me sad. It took my Dad and I the better part of 40-some years to finally get to having a decent relationship. It is harder for us gay guys sometimes.
Can I gently suggest you consider how much negative energy you put into your conversation with him? I only have your blog post to go on, but it seemed that rather than answer any of his questions - as tortured as they might be - you seemed to want to provoke him. The fact that you burst into tears at the end of the conversation tells me that making a point cost you far more than it did him.
How might things have gone if you had simply answered his inquiries and ended with "And Sander is fine, thank you"?
Next time, why not think about what kind of conversation you can have with him that won't end with you in tears. If that kind of conversation can't be had, then tell him "thanks for the call, but I can't talk right now." and go about your business.
Hugz,
Firethorne
Thank you so much...
Mm I know parts of it going all wrong are my responsibility..
I get so provoked!
I never cry so he hears...only after we quit the conversation.
The reason I provoke him is to get some sort of reaction from him...not plain indifference! Its the indifferens that I hate so much..
I too had a hard relationship with my father growing up and it was only after I cam out, I actually saw that he did care for me.
It sounds as if the two of you really need to break the silence and break down the wall between you. Baby steps for each of you is needed. Don't try to get in the first jab and try to hurt him as he has hurt you in the past. It is a reflex response...believe me, been there done that....
Good luck
Thanks for reminding me what makes for a good dad.
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