Update friday afternoon.

Sanders condition has changed for the worse. And he is now on a respirator.
Then Ravns fever came back. Ravns dad has come.
Everyone is scared.

Iver.

Update Thursday afternoon.

Sander is out of surgery. As far as the surgeons can tell he is ok,
though he had a bit of trouble during the surgery. But the Doctors
say he is ok now.
They wont know how well the surgery has worked yet.
It was an 5 hour operation and he is now in intensiv care.

Ravn has refused to go home before Sander has come through,
so they havent sent him home yet.
He is still in pain, but I think he is mostly concerned for Sander now.
I don't know when he will be home. They wont let him stay in
intensive care, and Ravn is not well enough yet to sit by Sanders bed...
so he might come home tomorrow.
He misses u all, and longs to be here with u.

I'll write more as soon as we know.

Iver.

Update Sunday night

Ravn is fully awake now, but in much pain.
He asked me to say hi to u all.
He and Sander are happy. Since Sander is done with the testings they have
moved him in with Ravn. So they are together.
Sander will have surgery on thursday morning.
Ravn will probebly come home tuesday or wednesday.
If his pain eases.

Iver.

Update..

They have kept Ravn asleep for sometime to try and drain out his inflamation.
He has been so verry ill,we nearly lost him.
But yesterday was a turning for the better.
He will survive and be well again:) They will start to wake him today.

Sander has had a brakethroug. They will operate him in the end of next week.
He is tired but holding on fine.

Iver.

hey

Ravn want me to tell u he is in hospital

Iver.

Moring update..

I woke up with a fever and an increased pain...
Fuck...fuck...FUCK!!!!

I realy don't need this shit now!!

Thursday night..

I have just crept inside...it is so fucking cold!!!
At least the cab was warm...Sanders bed too..but the nurses in "neuro"
doesn't know us the way those in "uro" does. So they wont alow me beeing in
bed with him...
He has gotten a singel room...he has a tv and dvd player there ...I buy him fresh papers every day...and strawberry shakes...hehe
I am glad we can have some privacy...but we don't
dear to have much of a sexlife as we probebly would have had in the uro...
But at least he seems to want to...he is eager to kiss and cuddle...and tonight I just didn't care if anybody should walk in on us...and I jacked him of while kissing him hungrily.
And made him fall asleep...

My own pain is a bit less today(all though the jacking session made me hurt until I came home here and could deal with it) Shame on me....hehe

Love...

Been with Sander all evening...nothing is happening yet.
He is tired and in pain...silent. But he let me lay in his bed and hold him.

Last blogg was sort of a turningpoint..I was cracking up sort of..
I was so very tired of all the pain and problems and shit in my life that for a moment
there I sort of wanted out. Then something in Bigs blog made me pull my self together.
Made me se that i have love in my life...that it realy is the grates thing of all...
I should be ashamed of myself realy...

I have been in pain all day...but not letting it show because I wanted to be with Sander.
Now I am all worn out..and as soon as my painkillers kick in I will go to sleep

Godnight all...

Love....mmm, yes! LOVE! :D

Tuesday...

I hurt like usuall..
And Iver is home here with me.

I can't sleep...I can't think straight.
Just wish for this to be over with.

It's to much now..
I want out.
...........................................

I wrote this...then I read Bigs blog
And it sort of set of a storm of emotions in me
In short...I cried my eyes out.

We only have this life...right here
right now.And in it love is realy all
that matters. It will conquer pain
anytime. It will give us the strenght
we need to not give up.



A different sun.

Quiet around the boat, quiet.
As stars are when the earth is turned of
and peoples words,
Fumbling thoughts and forgotten dreams
I get my oars ready
Lower and lift. Listening.
The little splash of drops in the ocean
Steadys the silence.
Slowly towards a different sun
I turn the boat in the mist
Lifes dence nothingness.
And I start to row...
row.


From the Norwegian poet Kolbein Falkeid
translated by Ravn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFr8fAdyknU&feature=related

Sunday rest...

I am at home today.
Sander had an unprovoked attac this morning...
and as you know he sleeps for almost
24 hours afterwards so I decided to stay here and rest
before the draining tomorrow.

I am a bit disaponted. When I write stuff about my sexlife people
doesn't coment...and I so much want them to : (
I realy want to hear others point of wiev on this matter!!
Or then I'll use the silence to confirm that I am a pervert or something..

I spent the whole day yesterday in hospital...
and it looks like Iver can come home with me monday.
Thats nice for he's cute roommate already has gone home
and has been replaced with a grumphy ,old, almost deaf man
who snores most of the time.

We had a very windy day today..
gardenchairs and tables flying of the porch ...lol
Even Ola hesetated to go outside..

I have been here all day...
but got a surprise vissit from one of Trines boyfriends pals
caled Mikkel...it was nice to se him:).
It's been a long time since we were in the mountains
and I fell asleep in the back of the car with my head in his lap..
and woke up on a rather hard pillow! hehe..

Poor thing...lol

So now you know why I disapeared from MSN Dan, sorry!!

Shame on me...

I feel like a pervert!

Maybe because I am unsure were to draw the line.
I wont try to create an excuse...I have a free will...but
even so I am a bit ashamed.
I don't want to have sex with anyone but Sander IRL..
I have ...a few times though, and he knows about those
kind of desperate acts.
But why is it that when he is in a very dificult situasjon
like this ...I always seem to endulge in cyber-sex?

Some of you just smile out there and say...no big deal.
And maybe it isn't. But it makes me feel filthy in some way.
Mostly I think because I can't seem to let it bee.

I come home from hospital...I feel like shit...
but when my painkillers kicked inn the last two nights
I have "played" in cyber half the night.
Mostly with the boy's I used to play with the last time we had this situasjon.
I know that Sander doesn't care if I do...
and that my body needs to get of.
But still I don't feel good about it.

I tried to Talk to Trine about it last night on our way home from the
hospital. But she just thinks I am a horndog!
(Wich I am) And that realy doesn't help much:(

Murmel and me hadn't done this for a long time now.
And he is kind of shy about realtime roleplay...and thats kind of cute.
And I get on big time by getting him of that way...
Sweet thing...

But afterwards I feel ashamed of myself...and kind of dirty.

Shame on me :(

Sulk...

Home...

I had a rerun of yesterday..
I managed ok when i was at the hospital...but hurt
and puked again on the way home.
I can se that this realy is not very sound...but I do
want to be there..so wtf can i do?

Sander is the same as yesterday...and they managed to get
Ivers fever down a little...and he get to share a room with
a cutelooking 17 year old thats in for a torsion..
thats good...they can keep each other company.

Sander fell asleep when I was there...and I let him sleep..
I sat for awhile and whatched him...then mom came
and I drowe home with her after she had seen Iver.

I am in bed now...kind of tired and very lonely.
I ought to jack of...Cause of my "condition" I need to
empty at least once a day...to keep my prostate from getting clogged
but I am to tired(Yea, u read me right)
besides it soooo boring on my own...*sigh*

I want my lover:(

*sulk*

Morning...

I have tossed and turned all night.

The pain and bad dreams has made me even more tired
than yesterday. But I will go to the hospital just the same.
Granny has got a cold and is not alowed in there.

Ivers brother promized to bee with him this morning..
Then I will stuff myself with painkillers and take a cab
sometime this afternoon so I can be with both Sander and Iver
same as ysterday.

Have a nice day all..

love...

Wednsday night...

I have spent most of today in hospital.

Iver had to go in this afternoon..due to the swelling...
Probebly the infection was still buried in his body
and the flu-virus somehow set it on again.
He hates beeing there...and he is afraid.
And he can't be with Sander who is in another unit now.
So I have stayed with him.
And when Sander got back from the tests tonight
I have gone back and forth beneath the two.
Until my Stephdad came and took care of Iver.

Sander is in pain from the konstant testing...
they sedate him, but it still hurts.
He doesn't wanna talk ...
so I have just layd beside him in his bed and held him.
And felt how the pain jerked his body....fuck..

He doesn't cry...and he doesn't complain..
He just lays there.....all silent...
and my heart bleeds for him.

I have been in pain too...
but i havent had time to think about it before
we was in the car on our way home.
Then the pain suddenly hit me ..
and Stephan had to pull over on the highway because I had to puke.

No I am back in my bed...so sad and tired that I could sleep for a month..
I need to be strong...pleace...

Pleace...

Wednsday morning..

Iver will probebly have to go to hospital today.

His temprature is way upp
and his nuts started to swell and hurt again last night.
He has spent the night in Sanders bed
drifting in and out of sleep...poor baby.
Right now we wait for my doc to come chec on him.

Rein went to Sander last night to discover he was in
very much pain...I feared that...cause he didn't call me.
I will try and go to him tonight ...I am still in pain but
if I can get somebody to drive me there I will manage
ok I think. I miss him and I want to be there for him
and comfort him.

Have a nice day u people!

Tuesday morning..

I suposed it's because it's been two weeks since my last
draining that I hurt more than usual...

My stephdad spendt the night down here with me...
to manage the morph sups. througout the night.

Iver has got the flu...or what u call it...he has a fever, a sore throath
headace and a bodyace. So no school for him.
(We were very worried in case the fever was due to his nuts
acting up again....luckily it was not..)
I have gotten my anual flu-shot...so he wont pass it on to me.

He has moved into Sanders bed...that way we can keep each
other company. Besides Rein will come to take care of us later on.
(To make sure I wont puke on Iver i guess) LOL
Grannys beeing with Sander and then has a dentistapointment.

I realy hope they wont hurt him to much today...
and I hope they will be able to
locate it quickly. last time it took like forever...
and he was totaly worn out from the pain
before they finaly operated on him.
Don't want that to happen again...

Iver is sleeping beside me...I will do so too...

Monday raport..

Today was hellish...
and I managed to pass out completly and scare the shit out of Iver
who "Babysat" me.. Lucky for Iver (and me)
Dan came online on my msn
and instructed him in how to take care of me..
I have been hurting badly most of the day..
Sander is ok, they have just run bloddtests on him today..
tomorrow they will start provoking the atacks..

Iver is suposed to start school tomorrow...
but tonight his teprature sudenly went up.
So we'll have to wait and see whats up...

I'll try and get some sleep while I can...

love..

Alive and alove...

We make love as if it was the last time...

We can't seem to get enough of each other.
It is like we want to make up for all the lost lovemaking
that the next weeks or maybe months will bring.
We find ourselves holding hands even when we eat..
We shower together...we hold each other all through
the night.
At times like this I feel that his body sort of provides
me with the energy I need...better than food, better
than drugs or medication..
I just need to hold him...to tuch, feel, taste and
edulge him ...all of him

Sex like this is so emotionell...so lifesaving..
so necesary now...we both feel it.
And so this last few days we have shut the rest
of the world out.
All we realy need are each other...to be the closest one can be
His warm shivering body under mine...watching hes sweet face
as I slowly ...so slowly brings him towards climax.
bring myself towards climax..over and over
Until it hurts and even then some more....

Our love has never felt as strong as it is right now...
I have never wanted him more...he has never been
this eager...this desperate?

I will not analyse this...I will just bee in it..just bee alive
and alove...(isn't that a good word for it ?)

I supose by monday we will both be totaly drained...both
metaphoricly and bodily...
They are gonna have a hard time draining me at hospital...
thats for sure :D