Update Saturday..

Sander has worn himself out compleatly.
He has now been asleep for almost 24 hours on and of
and he is in pain all though he wont admit as usual.

Ravn is still kept asleep in the hospital.
They keep saying he is stable and he has no fever to speak of
we wont know more until they decide to let him wake up
wich might be on Monday.

We have a heatwave in Norway at the moment and me and Granny
has put up a splashpool in the garden:D

Iver.

Update Wednesday...

Ravn had his surgery yesterday.
He was on the table for about 7 hours.
They wont say yet how they think it worked out.
Sander said yesteday that they seemed a little unsure of the results.
But that Ravn is stable now and kept asleep.

Sander has been with him all the time. Ravns dad came down yesterday, but Ravn
wanted only Sander,Granny and Trine to be there.

Iver.

Update Sunday ...

The German urologist has decided to try and operate on Ravn.
He had prefered to move him to Germany, but he is not strong enough.
So there will come a German team here on tuesday and do it.

They will try to sort of rinse out both his prostate and testickles...and the outcome is
unsure. As is his ability to have erections afterwards...
But there realy is no other way now.

Sander.

Update Wednesday...

I don't know what to write.
I wish I had some good news for you, but I don't.
Ravn is still in hospital and he is getting weaker .
It looks like he has no strength to fight this anymore,
and I can't fight this battle for him.
Belive me! I would if I could!
The doctors has no idea what to do anylonger
they can just try and ease his pain.

There is a Doctor coming from Germany today,
he is suposed to be the leading urologist in Europe.
He is our last hope now.

Sander.

Update Thursday..

Ravn is in hospital again.
They try to ease his pain.

More later.

Sander.

Update tuesday 9th.

Ravn is to tired and weak from pain to write.
He was in yesterday for his weekly draining, and it realy wears him out now.

He has asked me to write to say he is deeply moved by your consern for him.
And he hopes to soon be able to enjoy writing and blogging again.
And he misses to chat with you all.

Sander.

Selfpity...

I feel sort of empty these days.
I don't have much to write about.

Everybody keeps going on and on about what I should eat and drink...
how I should rebuild my body,
strenghten my imunesystem, live my life... aso.
It is driving me mad..

The summer seem to be put on hold.
The days have been cold now and it rains.
Suits my mood...I admit ..I am depressed.
I have a realy hard time seeing whats the fucking point
with this thing caled life.
I am realy tired of it. I am sorry...I honestly am..

It must be a thousand years since the endless,
happy chain of unused summerdays
lay streched out before me ...for me to fill with anything I wanted.
Before returning school late in august...content, ready for a fresh go.

I spend my days walking from my bed up to the sofa
in the livingroom or out to the hammock on the sundeck.
And I sleep my life away.
The pain medication keeps me from reading or doing anything worth while...
I can't focus.

Ok I am basking in selfpity...
I hate this..

The healing sleep..

We are both so very tired. And I can read the pain in Sanders face
as he surely can in mine. We have had a beautiful summer day here..
but we have been downstairs in our cool bedroom sleeping it away.
Just laying there holding each other ...and sleept, healed, trying to gain strenght again.
It feels so good to be so close..we dont have to talk. The feel of each others bodys
is so comforting and calming...
Only bother these days is I need to "drain" at least once a day...docters order...
but It hurts and I can't say I am my usuall horny self...but with Sanders loving help I do ok..
and I love to give back...no matter what shape I am in I just love to watch him
let go of the controll..and surender...

The days float by in one big lump...I am a bit depressed and sad..
over what I can't say for sure...maybe it is a just a feel of life passing me by.
Of not beeing able to partisipate...

Or knowing that it might be the last summer.


We are both going in to hospital tomorrow for checkups...and then hopefully
we will take Iver home with us.


A Norwegian lullaby to the town Trondhjem...where my dad lives...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RVkIEEETgc