A New year

This chrismas  has been the worst ever. No snow. Just wind and rain.
Suits me. I have lost the christmas joy that Ravn helped me find with his love.
And I spent most of it in hospital anyway.

It is a new year, and I try to look forward. I wont say I am good at it, but I do my best.

I have decided were to live. I can't go and live in the flat. Even if Ravn and me did'nt get to live there it has to much of him in the walls. So I will put it on the market for rent until I know what to do, and I will stay at grannys for the time beeing. I realise I am not fit to live by myself yet... and even if Lasse and Peter wants me to live with them I have to get a life going of my own..
It also makes granny happy having me there. Losing Ravn has been so hard on her too, and her age has begin to take it's toll on her. She will need me there in the years to come, and I'll be glad to help out in anyway I can. Next to Ravn she is the person in my life I love the most.

  I have been exercising a lot and my back has grown stronger from it.
So I hope that maybe one of these days I will be rid of the weelchair for good. Some good news, ey?

Oh, Ravn...my sweet Ravn.
I think of him every day. And I still dream of him most nights. The scar in my heart still bleeds.
How can it ever heal? I can never love again like that. Not in a million years. He was the love of my life, and I would give anything just to see him, to bee with him once more, but I know that he is gone forever. My heart just want belive it yet.

Iver has moved out from the farm to start a life of his own now at the age of 20. And for the time beeing there are 4 boys living on the farm in need of special atention. I try to help out there too, but the pain still gets the best of me 4-5 days a week, and then I am good for nothing.

I miss msn, and I miss chatting with Dan and the rest of you. How are you all? Are you still out there in the big world?   Let me know.

Sander.