Sander Lucia...

There is a big Halloweenparty at "Jekyl and Hyde" tonight...all our friends is gonna be there.

But I know Sanders not up to it yet...so I have not said anything.

And I wont go alone. Besides we have the house to ourselves...and that's a nice change.

We had a realy cold day here in Norway today close to 50f and thats very cold for beeing the last day of October. So I moved the mattress out of the bed in the guestroom and placed it in front of the livingroom fire..Then filled up with sheepsskins, blankets and pillows. And Sander and me snuggled up there watching tv and drinking cocoa. At some point I must have fallen asleep..for I wake up to find Sander gone and the tv shut of...only a bunch of candles lit on the table beside the light from the fireplace...Then I heard someone hum downstairs...verry silent but I recognized the Lucia song..wierd I thought...for the Lucia day isn't until december 13.

That's the day when we scandinavians celebrate the darkest time of the yearand the saint St.Lucia... by having big and small parades everywere with girls with candles in their hair and white dresses and boys with white pointy hats singing the Luciasong.

So today was a bit premature for Lucia...then suddenly I heared footsteps coming up the stairs and the humming got stronger...and there in the semidark room came a person that for a short moment made my heart stop...A wierd kind of Santa Lucia ...with a luciacrown of white candles(a fake one ) a white long bathrobe...white makeup...black eyes and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiih.... vampireteeth!!!

The creature comes closer to me...bears it's fangs and sort of jumps me...lol

It's the wierdest, coolest Lucia ever! Sander Lucia!! lol

"She" sits on my belly...fangs trying to bite my neck..."she" looks morbid with the candles in "her"hair and the white makeup..like some wierd deathmettal rocker...

I lift "her" bathroobe...to discover "She" has nothing underneath...so I grab "her" ass and pulls "her" closer...I open up "her" robe and licks "her" stomack...then I gently lick "her" balls until "She" shivers...

"Her"dick so hard by now it's standing straight up against "her" stomack.

I open my lips and let it slide the whole way in....until Lucia is short of breath and sort of whimpering..."she" moves backwards until she meet me...rubs against me ...feeling how wet I am already...then letting me slooowly glide inside....oh God!

"She" fix "her" eyes to mine...and starts to move...verry slowly up and down...

Making me moan with pleasure...making me grab "her" butt and try to speed "her" up...

"Her" robe falls open and slides down "her" shoulders..."her" eyes closed and "her" mouth half open.."She" is the most beautifull creature on eart ...even with fangs!! Lol

I begin tu thrust my hips up against "her"...

"Her" whole body is shaking now..and neither of us can wait anylonger...Lucia looses "her" crown and leans forward against my shoulder..I am getting wet all the way even on my chin...and I can feel how "her" body contracts time after time...making me cum...and cum...and cum...

Later on it is a rather sleepy looking Lucia laying in my arms ..".her" crown on my belly

I kiss "her" and tell her how much I love her...until she almost falls asleep in my arms

-"Hey, Lucia? I kiss "her"cheek.

-"Are you coming back at the Lucia day in december?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De7Q2S-dHE8&feature=related

Meme.."adult questiones-don't be a pussy"

I stole this from Javas blog...feel free to staeal it anyone who wants to...

1. Is there anyone on your blogroll you would have sex with?
Hmm...yea! Sure ..if I was single!

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Yes,please!

3. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? more mondays than I like to remeber... but I am more experienced now...i always bring plastic bags..

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Nope..

5. Shower or bath while having sex?
Yes, Love it! Last time was the bathtub this morning lol

6. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Both..
7. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
In a friendly way...yes. In the serious loving way...only in my Sweedish blogg...Murmel:)

8. Love or Money?
Love rules.

9. Credit cards or cash?
It depends...

10. Have you ever wanted a best friend?
I have a best friend..

11. Camping or a 5 star hotel?
Both can be cool

12. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In the water...at a beach with lots of people ...nobody noticed..hehe

13. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
Not my head...no..

14. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope, but i have whatced a strip ackt at a gay club once

15. Ever been to a bar?
Yes.

16. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Yes...*blushing*

17. Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?
Yes...*doubble blushing*

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
Oh, yes!!!

19. Had sex in a bathroom?
Lol...sure.

20. Have you ever had sex at work?
I havent worked...but I have had sex at scool

21. Ever been to an adult store?
Yes.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes.

23. Have you been caught having sex ?
Yes, by grandma before she knew we were gay..and by babysis...and Trine

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Yes...*blush again*

25. Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
Yes...lol


....................................................................

Then i add some new questions...

26. How old werer you when U had sex for the first time?

27. Have you been caught masturbating?

28. How many sex partners have you had? Honestly!!

29. Have you ever had a wet dream in an uproper place?

30. What was your most embaressing sex related experience?


Good luck !!


oh, ok...by request on msn...i'll answer my own questions too...

26. I was 14 and she was 18

27.Yes, and i tend to forget that I most of the time has a turned on babycall on my bedside table...not so cool that anybody upstairs can hear you!

28.I had hoped I did not have to answer that one.... I think something like 30 ish..most of them girls.

29.yes...in hospital and next to trine in her bed...not cool!!

30. I think maybe when granny walked in on us that first time when i was 16..

Stars...

It's almost 9pm...and my love is already sleeping...

I have taken my computer to the sofa so I wont disturb him...

We have spent most of the day in bed...sleeping, cuddeling, and then I made love to him very,very gently. He needed that.

And I think it even eased his pain a bit.

The snow is still here, and it is getting colder...

the eveningsky bright with stars...

It is so beautiful....

I am so glad that we live far enough from the city to se the stars.

Two of them are ours...

I bought them for Sanders birthday some years ago ..

twinstars with a map so we can locate them.

A silly gift...I know, but kind of romantic too..

And he liked my gift..

This weekend it's halloween...it is not a big celebration in norway...but it's getting there.

Sunday is also " Alle helgens dag"

The day we celebrate and remember our dead

by going to thecemetary and light candels...

We will visit my babybrothers grave as we do each year..

I have tried asking Sander were his parents are burried...

if he would like to go there...but he just shuts me of when I ask.

So I leave it be...

Lately I have been thinking about death a great deal again...

of my own mortality...

It's scary to think that the next inflamation might kill me...

The most frightning is that when I am realy sick I do wish to die!

So I try to avoid thinking of it...I always try to be optimistic....but then again..

I can't shut out the realitys of life..

And I want to be prepared...

I have written down the way I want my funeral to be...

what music to play...what flowers to lay on my coffin

And I have written that I don't want to be burried...

I hate the idea of rotting in the ground!

I want my ashes scattered in the mountains...

in a place called Eidsbugarden in Jotunheimen

I want my soul to be free to fly ...

and my body to be one with the marvelous nature up there.

My favorite place on earth...

And the stars up there....man...they are realy magnificent!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0xi5FqIefE

Ashamed little piggy...

I was waken from my pleasent dream of swimming naked
in the lake by a loud thud..
It was Sander dropping his bag on the floor..
-"Hey", he smiled ...
I sat upp on my knees and he came to the bed and huged me..
his cold wintercoat against my naked body...
the shock made me wide awake..
-"I didn't think you would come until the afternoon"... I beamed.
-"So I slept a little."
-"That's ok". He sat down heavily on the bed...
I climbed out of it and took his coat.
Then I climbed back and sat on my knees over his lap and kissed his warm lips....
He tasted of spearmint-gum. I ran my fingers through his long hair..
and felt the silky caress against my hand..
He grabbed my bare ass with both hands...
making me stand up on my knees.
so that it became very obvious to him how much I had missed him..

He bendt down a little and the tip of his thounge slided
over my already very eager "welcome-committee"...
making me utter a sound I have never heard before.
Making him look up at me smiling that little
almost smug smile that tolld me he was so enjoying this...

He took of his sweater and layd back on the bed...
dragging me upp so that I sat on his chest.
And still with a firm grip on my ass ...he started to play with me..
His warm mouth making me close my eyes and hold on to his hair...
trying not to scream..

The first wave hit almost with no warning...
I fell down on my hands ...
unable to hold back...my body shaking
He never for a sec took away his mouth....
just continued to play with me...gently...slowly..
until I beg of him to let me climax a second time.... desperate now..
until my gasping breath sounded almost like crying ...
then he finaly gave in...

I could see that he was hard ...but he said "don't"
when I reached out for him...
It was obvious that he still was in pain...
So I did the only right thing for a gentleman to do at these occasions....
I fell asleep like a fucking pig!!


Yes, I am an ashamed little piggy...
But he later ensured me that it was the nicest
welcome home that he has ever had...
so i rest my case...hehe.

But...when he undresses later I can se why he didn't
want me to tuch him..
He is still very swollen and it must have hurt like hell just to have a hard on...
Poor baby...
He says he is ok...as usual....

But he doesn't object of me putting him to bed and tucking him in....

Later on Espen comes to see how he is doing (oh that's our Doc)
and he makes him admitt that he is still in some pain...
And sure...I know...he hates to be fuzzed over!
But I can't help it...it's nice to play the part of"Florence" for a change...
And I do love him so much!

There is nothing in the world as silent as snow...

I have slept like a baby all through the night..

And this morning somthing is difrent. The light from my smal windows, the muffled sound from the main road, sort of a newfound silence in my room.

Ola is awake and urging me to go up and let him out. So I just slip on a big,long sweather over my bedwarm, naked body, and takes him upstairs.

Up in the kitchen the miracel unfolds through the windows...It's snowing !!!

The world has turned white and wonderful over night!

I open the kitchen-terasse door and let the icy air in...and Ola out.

Then i run downstairs...

I pull on my sweatpants,socks, boots, armyjacket and mittens..

then I run upstairs to join Ola outside...he is delighted by the snow!

Rolling around in it, so I do the same thing!

I dive in...and get snow in my mouth and nose...lol

It feels wonderfull and refreshing just likke the first dip in the sea in spring...

So Ola and I lay on our backs...in the soft cottonish snow...

making angels...

His doesn't look like one...but then again...

I don't know..Labradorangels might look difrent.

Then for a moment...

the last few seconds before the cold creepes through my clothes..

I lay still on my back...and I look up against the sky...

the sensation of flying up into it is just as strong as I remember it

from my childhood.

I feel wightless..floating up into the white, silent universe...

and I think that this must be how eternety feels like...

Still, soft....

Everlasting....

There is nothing in the world as silent as snow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYOFZprNAuY&feature=related

Yey !!

I think the shit is finaly over for this week!
I have spent most of the day hurting,puking and sleeping.....great fun !
But at last I am feeling better...

And tomorrow "Goldielocks" is coming home :)

Yey !!!

Nurse Rosetta...

New morning in old Norway...and I shall go back to sleep in a little while.
Had my morningshot and i have managed to pass out outside the bathroom...so today I am not alowed beeing on my own and my brother is coming to babysit me..

I have spoken to Sander this morning...he is tired but says he will come home tomorrow.
I realy hope he will! I am so lonely in my bed..

My newfound friend is so sweet...staying with me on MSN while I wait for my nightshot..waiting while I puke and barely is able to write... he would make a fine nurse :)

My "Nurse Rosetta"? lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gAD4y1C06k

Another hellday...

It was maybe the worst ever...and now I hurt a bit even on morph. Hell..

Sander had an attac in hospital this morning...thank God that he was not home yet...this way he got help at once and when I stoped by him before my draining he was sound asleep...
So now he want be home until wednsday..

I have been alone all day...withc sucks...but I had prepared myself for the pain when the morph went out of my system until I got another shot..by surounding my bed with barfbucket,pissbottle, papertowels, water and my cellphone...in case I needed Trines mom
(she's my back up) I made it on my own though ...taking turns puking and crying....lol

Now I feel very doped, sleepy and giggely...my Stephdad is home...and I will try to get some sleep..

painkiller-music..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p6_WZJJNBw

Sunday...

A looong sunday...been in pain most of the day..no sign of infection though.
Just the fucking tennisball up my ass...makes it hard to sit.
Wanted to go see Sander,
but doc said no...
so I have been a good boy and been at home...
resting on the sofa upstairs...

We have spoken on the cellphone though,
and he think he can go home tomorrow...I hope so too...
Then he can come home with me after my drainage.

I can't say I look forward to do that now...
it will probebly hurt more then usual..and I hope they won't have to put me out to do it...sometimes they have too.

I miss my newfound cyber-pal...hope he is ok.

Hey! If you se this! I have just ordred "30 days of night" on dvd! :D


Here comes a sweedish video lol ....Allting som jag vill ska jag gjöra ....aaaaaa...aaaah!!
(anything I want to do...I'll do!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5t9JOLyPSA

Tennisballs should be for tennis only...

My doc came around and gave me a much needed shot...
made me sleep for three hours.

Sorry Dan on MSN...I disapeared on you!

Doc didn't find any new swelling but I think my prostate is bigger...
I have a feeling I have a tennisball opp my ass (pardon my french)

My morph is wearing of again...
but I feel a little bit better.... I think...
I hope..

I have spoken to Sander and he sounds quite ok now...So there is a chance he might come home with me after I drained on monday.

I am gonna spend my saturday night with my mom and stephdad...laying on the sofa upstairs eating pastasallad and watching TV..

That's how fun I am!

Blæææææææææ...

I am no fun at all today...I have been in pain all morning...
Theres no swelling or fever.. at least not yet.
But I hurt so much I am on the edge of needing a morph.shot...
My painkillers doesn't help much...

I hate my life...

Blææææææææææ....

..................................................................................

Oh, ok! I'll write a little more...
It's just so hard to find the strenght to be posetiv when you are in pain like 24/7...
I realy do try! But to day I am down in the dumps.....
Don't wanna do anything...don't wanna se anyone...
I can't consentrate on reading cause the pain is to disturbing...
I can't sleep...
I can't even jack of !!

The only thing I can to is bitch about it...

Last night I wrote that I didn't want to go out tonight...but sure...no I do!
No that I probebly won't be able to do so!

I probebly won't be able to visit Sander either..

Life realy sucks !!

And I am just a pathetic little shit feeling sorry for myself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vwwFiaSXHk

Lonely...

It's almost midnight..I am laying in the dark room on Sanders side of our big bed..feeling lonely..
I have spent the entire evening in hospital with him...so I shouldnt be feeling this way...but I do...the bed is to big for just me....

I hurt a bit too...and I just want to lay here in his arms...
all still in the dark...and listen to him breathe

But he's not here...

When I was little and afraid of my parents fighting ...I used to go lay in Reins bed...he always let me sleep there with him. And I felt safe and secure...just the way i feel with Sander now.
I can be a baby sometimes!

Oh, I dont have to be alone ...theres plenty to talk to logged in on MSN...but no one that I realy want to be with...I want someone serious...
I know I am just 22...but I often feel to old for people my age...
They know so little it seems....But there are a few both in cyber and IRL that is nice to talk to...but i often prefer people who are older than me....

Trine wants us to go out and party tomorrow night...her mom is going to babysit Milla..
but I dont know if I am up to partying yet...I cant drink for my medication...and Iam not so good yet at sitting.....I fear I will be no fun to be with...

I have partied in worse shape than this though...even in bed!
It was at a party in Simons parents big house...I had just come home from hospital and was not alowed out of bed.But Simon wanted me to come.... So the boys moved a big bed out to the living room and installed me there...lol
And I in fackt had a great time...coming mornig there were 4more people sleeping in there with me...lol Including Sander on my arm...

Sander...

I pull his blanket over both me and my computer...
close my eyes and smell his sweet, familiar scent ...

I love him so much you see....

Hospital love...

My love is feeling a little bit better!
His fever is down to 102
and he managed to stay awake more when I was there yesterday....

He is shareing a room with an old man
who is snoring most of the time
and yesterday was no exeption...lol

So I climbed in to Sanders bed..to hold his warm body next to mine..
to kiss him and cuddle....
It felt so good to be near him again.
My whole body ached for it..
And I kind of hoped he would not notice how much...
But he did..

I had on a pair of comfy sweatpants with a drawstring...
and I suddenly felt his hand brushing my tigh...
stroking over my at this point rather disturbing bulge..
"Hey," he wispered ...
"Want some help with that?"

He slowly pulled down my pants in the front...
hes warm fingers stroked my stomack
before they found what they searched for..
"Aaaaw, he's all wet!" He looked up at me ...
He held up one wet finger before he put it in his mouth and sucked it..
That made me want to just jump his bones there and then..
Instead I blushed...
"Thats ..uhm, ...cause I missed you so much"...my voice somewhat weak and shaky.
"Ssshhhh" he put his warm lips over mine...I opened my mouth to let his thounge play with mine and his hand went back down....
sliding in the wetnes...before getting a grip

I almost bit his thoung...
I had longed for him so much...he has a magick tuch...
and no way on earth that I was able to hold back if he was gonna do this...
I pulled my mouth away from his...moaning
"Dont... u gonna make me"..
He cut of my sentence... and covered up my mouth with his again...
and I surrendered to the sensation that flowed through my body.

He knows me so well....and that's why he is kissing me...
to prevent me from waking the old man...
and I just close my eyes and felt my world explode...
over and over...

Ten seconds later the door goes up...and the headnurse comes in..
Sander who has been licking his fingers clean hides them quickly..
.she smiles at us...
"Looks like u guys are having a good time !"

...if she only knew.

Fuck the pain away...

Awake in our bed when it is still no sign of the morning...
reaching out for him just to find he is not there...
wanting him so much it hurts...

Internettporn beeing a bad and boring susbtitute for the real thing..
.his smell, ...his warm body shivering at my tuch...mmm.
Ok, I know! I am a bit on the horny side! I love sex!
Its just as important for me as food or fresh air...
both because I know my fucked up prostate craves it....
and because I am sort of adickted to his body..

Jacking of is ok for my stupid prostate...but it doesn't help with my longing for him..
To think that I once survived 14 months without having sex with him ...
And no I am having serious problems after two days only!

Ok, I shall stop complaining...

I will go and make love to myself in the shower...
thinking of all the crazy times and places we have made love...
Shower is grate... less messy in there...
less chanse of getting myself in the eye....I am so good at that ....lol

So here's a video for u....from one horny bitch to another:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aGTNS13SDU

I've got a friend...

My love is not feeling any better...I have layed in his bed in hospital the whole afternoon.
And watched him sleep on my arm...I am home now...and I miss my baby so much.
And I am so damned horny too...lol
Must be getting better!

I am trying to stay awake until my cyber-pal comes back...I love to chatt with him!
He realy is the sweetest guy! And it was so cool finding him:)

This is for you man!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM3r1aJvKJE&feature=related

Nutcrackersuite...

My brother went home last night when I started to feel better..
and I am on my own.

It's kind of nice sometimes beeing on ones own, but I miss my baby!
As usual I have slept with his t-shirt all night.
I have talked to him this mornign, but nothing much has changed...
The swelling and the odd fever is holding on to him.
I will go and see him in the afternoon as soon as Jan E gets home...he will drive.

Neither Sander nor I has been alowed to have a drivers license
cause of the drugs we are on all the time ,
and Sanders painattacks
that would probebly make him drive of the road
if it hit him while driving.
Luckily we have good friends and family who are eager to help.

Trine knew how to drive a car ever since she was 14.
Her grandad let her mess about with his car out on the farm were he lived.
And that came in handy a Saturday night five years ago when Sander suddenly had a major attack and went uncouncius on us, we didn't have the good conections to the hospital and the doc that we have now back then... And we didnt know what to do since our parents were away,
so Trine stole my mom's carkeys and drow us to the hospital..lol
She was not even 17 at that point...not to sober either..
(u have to be 18 in Norway to have a license)

The reason I still remeber this is an incident that happened on the way back home..
We live in a small suburban town in the outskirts of Oslo...there are not much hatered against gay people here...and Sander and me has never had any trouble but from one group..two-three boys close to my brothers age. They are real assholes and they continued to be so until Sander beat up the one in lead...lets call him "Bullyboy" ... so badly that he forever kept his mouth shut...but that is another story.

Trine, JanE and me was heading home from hospital in the middle of the night when I had to throw up..I had been drinking a bit earlyer on and I was in some pain too....
So I asked her to pull over...she stoped by the roadside,
and I walked a bit away from the car and puked..
But then a car pulls up behind us. "Bullyboy" and his stupid friends.

Trine and JanE came out of the car when I walked back..
Bullyboy started calling me names...I ignored him like I always do,
but he was pretty drunk and started to pick a fight ...I didn't feel fit for fighting...my head spun and I could hardly stand up straight...
Suddenly Bullyboy grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him..
Trine screamed "Let go of Ravn, u prick! And jumped on his back..
but he tossed her of and turned on me...(the stupid ididot...lol).
Before I had an idea of whats going on his knee hit my nuts...Then two things happened...
I puked all over him..then I fainthed.

When I came through Bullyboy was swearing and jumping around taking his soiled clothes of..the two other guys just stood there....while Trine laughed til she almost cried and took pictures of him with her cellphone..
She later put them out on an local internettsight for all to see...lol

Funny how I always get kicked in the nuts! I mean, no one ever kickes Jan E or Simon! But me...I get it all the time! It seemes to be some wierd law of nature or something going on!

Well, today in hospital I will take no chance...
I'll wear a jock! A padded one!
It makes me look as if I am hung like a horse though...

Witch I am....haha

So in honor of my tormented nuts...here comes the nutcrackersuite:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHYwVfN3wY4&feature=related

Sweeeet...

I think the worst is over ....don't need more morph. tonight...
Sweeeeeet...

Painkillermusic / Turbonegro..

Waiting for my doc to come....

Waiting for my doc to come...

waitng for my doc to come...

waitng for my doc to come..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaKwvKw29jI&feature=related

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFYXP19e5KM&feature=related

andd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ2gQ6KVg94&feature=related

Yeah!!

Hell..

I woke up half an hour ago hurting..and at thiss point I am shaking so
muchhI can hardly write..doc is coming in abbout anhour..alooong time
Dont wanna wake Rein..wishSander was heree..I wishh

HA's babysitter service...

A new monday here in stormy Norway...

Yesterday my love was sendt to hospital...I could se from the moment we woke that he was in pain... he said it was not that bad...but by the afternoon he could hardly walk...and I discoverd he was running a temprature...but do you think he would let me check that? Nooooooooo.....

So I did the only thing I could...I called our Doc and explained the situasjon and he came over..
Tok him 5 min to discover he had well over 103 and a nuttsack as swollen as big grapefruit.

So In we went...turned out he had (lets se if i can write this in english and on morph) Epididymites?...(inflamation to the smallish lumps on top of the testickles) but It was not the backterial one that I use to get all the time.....this was probebly from the kick in the nuts he got at the playpark some time ago..They can't explain his fever though...so they take lots of test of him
to try to figure out why...

I was in hospital draining as usuall this morning...granny beeing away ....mom and Stephan as well......So I had to get a cab...luckily I dont have to pay for the fare.

The draining was hellish as usuall even on morph., and made me puke....but I managed to go se Sander afterwards...He was laying with a morph catheter that eases the pain.... remeber the sensation of pain is much stronger for him cause of his damaged nerves...He managed to stay awake for a short time only when I was there ....and I managed to not puke in the cab on my way home...

I don't like to be home alone on this days...cause I hurt real bad between the shots and I sometimes fainth too... But not to worry...granny had sumoned half the local Hells Angels
to babysit me.. lol...and I was met by four Harleys outside our door.

So while I fell asleep in my bed downstairs ....the Angels played cards up in the livingroom...watching me on the babymonitor...
When my morph started wearing of my brother and a young kind of cute
"Prospect" sat with me til my doc came and shot me up..
Later on I actually managed to make him blush when I stumbled out of the bathroom wearing nothing but Sanders red Mickey Mouse T-shirt...lol

Trine and Milla came for a quick vissit and I sleept again...

Now Rein and I are alone...he is gonna spend the night with me. He is making spagetti up in the kichen right now...and I have promised to try and eat some. Maybe it will be ok...I have not puked since this morning..
I have spoken to Sander...but he is so tired and druged I can hardly talk to him..

I am longing for someone to talk to on msn...someone fun!...I hope that my newfound pal will be in after work tonight! :D

Here's a smal doze of pain management:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HetC7EUmNcc

My second love...

Ok...on demand by mail, and by you, Dick...lol
And because Sander sleeps and I have nothing better to do...I will write about Murmel..

This begun about three years ago, when Sander was In psyk for over a year...I visited him every day..the days I was feeling ok. But I was lonley and lost...and a bit scared too..for he would not comunicate with me...

I met Murmel..(not his real name) on a Sweedish forum for young people..they had a chat and I soon became meber of a gang sweedish boys that had fun in there...At first we only chatted on the forum . He was three years older than me...and he and his girlfriend expected twins! He didn't want to become a dad just yet...but after a while he got used to the idea I think and actually looked forward to it.

He was so cool to chat with...we had the same sence of humor and liked much of the same music.
Then all of a sudden his girlfriend went in to labour...and three months before they were due the twins were born...a boy and a girl. Tiny little babys!
A fight for their life begun. Murmel and his girlfriend spent the days in hospital with the babys..he with the girl...she with the boy..he was totaly stressed out and could not sleep...so we started talking on msn at night...he spilling his guts out to me...

You se....When I was 11 I think...mom had a little babyboy who only lived for a week...he was born the same age as the twins...and was suposed to save my parents marrige I think...but little Emil died(the marrige too) ...and they let Rain and me be a part of Emils short life and death...I even got to hold him after he died...he was so tiny...but so beautiful !
So my heart went out to Murmel and his girlfriend..my prayers too

But I did'nt want to tell him yet ...I did'nt want to scare him..

So this is what happened..short:
After 4 weeks their little boy dies ..they are alowed to take him of life suport...and he dies in his dads arms 24 hours later...they are both crushed.
She feels that she has lost HER baby...cause they divided themself between the two...and she refuses to se her doughter..Murmel struggles on..with her at home...the loss of his son..and the baby in hospital..still tired, but unable to sleep much..still talking to me every single night...sometimes the whole night thrugh..and I have now told him my secret of my dead brother...that pulls us even closer together.
Then his girlfriend ends up having a major brake down...ending up in psyk...he takes care of his little girl..And two months old she can come home with him...but he has to feed her with a probe every two hours...a big responsebillety and effort witch he manages beautifully.

Somewere along the line we had gotten to the point where I sort of talke him to sleep in front of the computer...and he got sort of addicted to it..
to me beeing there...he cant sleep if I'm not there...my msn had to be logged in all through the night..

So.... later that spring he told me that he had fallen in love with me...a boy !!
He had never been atrackted to boys before....not ever!

WOW.....
I didnt get it at first..how can one fall in love in cyber?
...but one can...
and I sort of fell in love with him too.....

He struggles on ...things happen between him and his girlfriend...she admitts she has had an afare with his brother...he that he is in love with me...and they brake upp...
She leaves him and their kid...he gets full custody of her...
He tells his folks and friends that he is in love with a Norwegian boy...no one gives him a hard time about that ..but one...a friend that has been in love with Murmel for ages, and now gets very,very jealous of me...and it will finally lead to disaster...but I will leave that part out..it hurts to much to write about..and he eventualy had to go to jail..

We sort of spend every free sec we had with each other in cyber...
It's both wierd and wonderfull.
We both need the other so much...he knows I have Sander...but he is satisfied with the way things are...chatting and having cybersex....witch by the way was so great with him!
And so much needed...(Sander and I did'nt make love in over a year back then).

Then a serie of bad things happened to him...on a trip to London that summer ..he was raped by two boys..I wont go into details....they are to grim and violent...and he was lucky to survive..

But he wont and can't talk about it ...he is having nightmares and is in such bad shape afterwards...so I take it upon me to tell his dad. He needs someone irl to know too..
Since then I got his dad's number...that feels good...for now the real problems start..with nightmares...self dammage, and a baby that no longer is so little..but groving bigger day by day...and more demanding..

Then when his doughter is a year old...his ex girlfriend goes and takes her life...and he falls apart again..

Every single night for two years (aside when I am in hospital) I talk to him on msn...making him calm...making him able to sleep. Comfort him...suport him... Trying to love him back to life...
Calling his dad whenever things get rough for him...willing him back to life..
to trust other boys...the only boy who doesnt scare him at that point is me..

And he gives me the love and warmt I miss so much with Sander away...
We sort of live our whole life in cyber...so safe and secure...I had never in my wildest imagination thought that I could love someone that I never met irl so much..

Wierd...

Slovly...he returns to life...his baby now a fine todler...he is doing a greate job as singel dad...she is a though little broad...lol . Climbing trees even before she could walk..almost never sick..and that is unusual for one so premature born!
Old enough now to ask of her mom and brother when they vissit their grave...he told her they died and became stars.....and she looks happily up at the sky for them at night...
That is so beautiful i think...

He has now returned to school...getting an education....he is making a life for himself and his kid:) I am so proud of him...to se how much he has accomplished...to see how beautiful his little girl is.
Just like her dad..

He claims I saved his life...I say he saved mine too...

We have still not met IRL...and we doubt that we ever will...but that does'nt matter...He will always be in my heart...my second love...

And he claims ...that I will always bee the love of his life..

My tears are running as I write this...mostly with gratefulness to whoever it was that held his hands over us...he truely saved my Murmel...same as he did Sander... and me..

But that's another storry...

This is mine and Murmels song.....enjoy
Even though it is Greenday that forever will remind me of him :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRaieyN77UI

Sweet Murmel...

I wish I could sleep a little longer! Four and a half hour is not much...

I hope yesterdays blogpost didn't offend any of you...
it was not meant to.
I have a tendency of beeing a tad to "honest".
Besides sex is magic and wonderful,
and I want to write about every aspect of my life...

I am hurting this morning too...a dump,dull pain ..
like someone kicked me in the nuts a while ago.
I wish I had Sanders ability to sleep thrugh pain...
but I don't..
It wakes me up and demands painkillers before I can sleep again.

Yesterday with Milla was great fun...she's just about to walk now...
and she can crawl at an amazing speed.
She tried to digg up my moms potplants in an unatended moment,
and got realy mad at me for stopping her...
she clearly has her mom's temper...lol

I had a raher bad day yesterday conserning pain...
and it somehow looks like she knew.
Cause she didn't mind laying on my arm on the bed...
she didnt sleep just sucked her tum and
looked up at me...Trine says she never likes to do that with her...
and she thinks it must bee from all the times Milla
has visited me in hospital since she was born...
always falling asleep on top of me.

"Murmel" came on my msn last night...that was nice.
We havent been speaking for a long time now....
almost wierd to think of how close we were...
But he is doing grate now....
And I am glad for him, and kind of proud of him too.
And he will always own a corner of my heart.
Maybe someday I will share our storry with u....
Sweet, sweet Murmel...

This is for u...though u never read this blogg...

Remember?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLAVQhMGAig&feature=related

You are so beautiful...

In the first light of dawn we make love...
Warm and sleepy bodys against each other..
His soft breath growing short and shivery.
He is so beautiful.....
I can't think of a single thing in life I like more than to watch him...
How his eyes closes.....how his soft lips opens against mine....

He sits in my lap facing me...moving slowly while I kiss him.
While I hold him ...feel him...
while I want him to speed up ...want him to..............

He sort of wimpers when I let go of his lips...
I let my thounge slide down his neck....
and I bite him til he almost screams. He is breathing harder...
moving faster...
and we can't... wait... any.... longer...

His body convulsing against mine...
making my chest and stomack warm and wet...

and I burst....
Wave after wave of pure love washes through my body..

Afterwards he lays on top of me.....half asleep...
I kiss him and slide my fingers through his long hair..
I wisper how much I love him.
I want to capture the moment...to linger in it..

........................................................................

But we will have Milla today...we need to shover ...
and my damn nuts are hurting again.
Not bad...but rather annoying.
So we have no choise but to get up...


Still a perfect begining of the day...don't u think?


Play this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fJxt0Cg52I

Beam me up, Scotty!

I have recovered from the draining....
Only to find Sander is hurting today..he is having one of his
" dont speak to me I will just lay here on the couch
whatching bad movies " days..
And thats ok. I just leave him alone for a while...

So I was gonna make him lunch...bangers and mash!
Hmm..those of u who got to know me knows that I am hopeless
around a kitchen...Sander says I can even ruin water!

Sooooo...the bangers was a blackish sort of brown...
and the mash was uneatable!
But at least I made Sander laugh his ass of..*blush*

So now we are hungry, grumpy, and suffering from a bad case of
" Stargate atlantis"
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!

Beam me up, Scotty!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LShjmJ_PFGM

Agony..

It's still night sort of..but I hurt like hell and can't sleep.
Hard even to write now.
Just wanted to say that I had such a good time talking to a new friend
on MSN yesterday! That was so cool :)

Right now life is so uncool..
I lay here shivering from pain...biting my lips.
Trying to be quiet so I won't wake Sander.
Trying not to cry...
I only partly succed...

-"Baby"? his voice tired beside me.
-"You in pain, lover?" he reaches out a hand and strokes my cheek..
already kind of wet...
-"Hey, come here" he gathers me up in his arms.
Kisses my tears away.
Kisses my forehead and my mouth.
I try to relax...try not to shiver..
But I can't stop the tears...
-"It's ok" he wispers.
-"You can cry sweetie".
I bury my face against his neck and the dam of tears sort of bursts open..
I can't take much more of this...I realy can't...
fuckk..

Empty chairs...

I am searching for hiden treasures in my mom's vinyl record collection...

I love taking out a record at random and play it..

Today I was lucky...hitting one with Don Mc Lean...I just love him!

So this evening I've been training on my guitar, learning to play this...
beautiful isnt it?

I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night
Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright
Beams of blue come flickering through my windowpane
Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame

And I wonder if you knowThat I never I understood
That although you said you'd go Until you did -
I never thought you would

Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face
While chestnut hair fell all around the pillowcase
And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head
A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead

Never thought the words you said were true
Never thought you said just what you meant
Never knew how much I needed you
Never thought you'd leave - until you went

Morning comes and morning goes with no regret
And evening brings the memories I can't forget
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtrIc8vq7wU&feature=related

Pitty the child..

It still no sign of light outside our windows...
And I have been awake for more than an hour ...hurting real bad.
I took two of my meanest painkillers almost an hour ago...
they did'nt work.
So now I am debating myself wether to call my doc or not..
dragging him out of bed might not be verry popular on a sunday morning.
I have trouble writing for the pain..and trouble consentrating..
it's kind of scary how pain takes over the entire body..

We had a great saturday!
Spending the morning on sevral fleamarkets and the night at JanE's place partying...
someone is gonna have a rough day today I think...hehe
I can't drink yet...I am on to many drugs to risk fucking that up.

Well..I guess my good periode became a short one...
and tomorrow is monday and drainage day
blæææææh!

Oh, and my babysis called...she wants us to come stay for x-mas...
Dad said nothing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJaIZSYp1C8&feature=related

Changes is coming up.....maybe..

Another morningblogg from the far north..
I hurt in the morning as usuall...
But the pain is bearable and my painkillers takes care of it...
so no need for morph.

Yesterday we spent most of the day outside..trying to rake up the leafs in our garden and playing ball with an extatic Ola. He loves that.
In the afternoon Trine and Milla came over and we lit the barbecue and grilled some hot dogs...Ola is so sweet with Milla..he knows that she is just a small child that needs care,
and if she gets to much for him pulling his ears or tail...
he just goes inside and hides from her.. lol

Sander and I spent the evening to our self...
with nobody around it meant making love in the bath tub,
and in front of the fireplace in the livingroom...

Ma and Stephan is actually away for the weekend looking at a farmhouse!
They might want to buy it!!
It is a big old house and they will turn it into a sort of fostercare-home..
that means they can both work and live in the same place...
they are looking for a house that is big enough for 4-5 kids,
pluss granny, Sander and me.
She would move in with us permanently then..

I am not sure I like the idea.
It would mean moving away from all our friends into the country.
We would have to find a new doc...
one that we can trust,
and hospital is gonna be at least one hour away.
That's a long time for Sander when he is having an attack...

Well....nothing is decided yet....only good thing about moving is that we could have horses...
but then again I guess I cant sit on a horse...it's bound to hurt as hell

And a partridge in a peartree...

Today we went to the mall with granma...she had her hair done while we went shopping.
It felt so nice beeing able to be out and about again.
In fact I can't even remeber the last time!
I wanted to buy some new boots...but the once I wanted was not available in my size
...sulk..
So instead I bought two tees and a hoodie..
Sander bought a golden brown knitted sweater that was beautifull on him!
We bought some dvd's ...some candy...a halloweenlamp lol...
a bright red winter hat for Milla..........and a partridge in a peartree... haha

When we came home an hour ago...Sander fell asleep on the bed...
I am ok, hurting a bit....but still ok..nothing a plain painkiller wont fix..
:D

Mmmmmmm....

I have been laying here watching my love sleep beside me for the last two hours..
His long blonde hair floating over the pillow...
he is so beautiful..
I want to reach out at pull him closer and kiss him...
but I wont disturb his sleep.
He needs it..
The pain from mondays draining has died down...thank God!
And I feel quite ok today..a wonderful feeling.
I am just laying here trying to think of what I want to do with this day..
I sure as hell don't want to stay here....
Maybe I should go shopping?
I need some clothes and a new pair of boots...
or maybe I should just go downtown to sit in a cafe and watch the people go by..
or take Ola for a walk in the woods...
probebly not a good idea though since there is moosehunt season ...lol

My love is moving ...the duvè sliding down...
exposing his abbs and tummy...
I can't resist him anylonger..

I bend down over him and slowly kisses his chest and stomack...
he shivers a little and moans softly...
as I let my thounge slide round his bellybutton...
and some part of him is clearly verry much awake under the duvè..

So on the other hand...I think I'll stay at home..

Mmmmmm.......

Just small talking...

After an hour of loud metal music ...
I just had my morning shot of morph.
That's about the only thing that sort of helps me deal with the pain...
besides medication..the loud aggressive music helps me to
somehow face the pain better....
So no I am tired and I will soon go back to sleep.

The day in Oslo is cold,frosty and foggy....
But my bed is warm and comfy.
I have Sanders worn t-shirt as a pillowcover
the way I always has when he is not here..
That way I have his smell in my nose all through the night.
I do hope he is coming home today...I miss him so much..

Yesterday I spent some time with Simon and Milla...I lay outside
in the hammock while Milla played in the quite warm afternoonsun.
He is so good with her.. A natural dad I think.
He is a great guy....
Even though him and Trine don't live together at the moment...
They do plan to when they finnish school..in fact we all plan to...
we dream about moving in to a big old house.
Trine,Simon and a bunch of kids downstairs...me and Sander ...
the two great uncles..upstairs...
it would be greate and it is actually realistic too
since Trine is becoming a nurse in a year.
That way we would be safe.

Trine and me and her twinbrow Truls...grew up together.
Three houses apart we run between them and played ...
when i look back it seems my childhood was one long, happy summer.
At least the first years...until my dads drinking started to be to much.

And as we grew older..Trine and I keept beeing best friends.
We never dated...but hum..
When we was 13-14 she used to love to jack me of in her playhouse.
And so she sort of was my first sexuall experience
until the summer I turned 14...
That was when I got sort of (happily) raped
by one of my brothers girlfriends coming in to my room
drunk after a party..
Oh I did enjoy it verry much !
But when I think of it now...it was realy sexual abuse of a minor...she was 18.

Then there came a time when Trine hated me ...
I had slept with sort of half the girl-population in our
little suburban oslo town.
She loathed me for it...and she was right.
I did'nt behave nice...

But when Sander came along all that changed,
and I fell in love for the first and only time in my life so far.
And I discovered that sex with him was 10 000 times better than with a girl..
and I haven't been with one since then..

Oh, and something nice happened yesterday as well!
HB you made my day! So glad we finaly got in tuch! :)

I will get an hour or two of much needed sleep now...
See yea!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxUZUnRwH7s&feature=related

I don't like mondays..

My morph is wearing of...My doc is suposed to give me another shot in an hour..
It's gonna be a looooooooooong one...

Fuck!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yteMugRAc0

Even Hells Angels cry...

I woke up alone this mondaymorning...

Yesterday just after lunch :
I am resting on the bed... chatting with Dan.
When Sander comes downstairs looking pale as hell ...
I sort of leap out of bed just in time to catch him as he passes out.

I shout for someone to come and help...and thank God!
Stephan hears me...
He is jumping down the stairs two steps at the time.
He helps me to get Sander into the bathroom where we place him on the floor with me kneeling
behind him so that he's resting against my thighs.
Stephan then runs uppstairs to call the ambulanse while Sander suddenly choughs and pukes all over himself and me..his body sort of convulsing from pain. I hold him and trie to calm him.
Mom's coming down...she begans cleaning upp the puke. Sander is shaking in my lap...trying to breathe. Tears streaming ..mine too... I so hate this!

I hold him tight bending down over him...wispering in his ear to take it easy...that he will soon be in hospital, and it will be over. But he is beyond hearing me..crying with pain.
The abulanse arrives..Stephan goes with him...not allowing me to come :(

I take of my soiled clothes and turn on the shower...leaning my forehead against the tiles i let my tears mix with the water....

That's how my brother finds me when he comes for sunday dinner.
He reaches in and turns the water of...
fetches a big tovel and hands it to me.
He lights a cigarette ...and watches me from the doorway.
I cant stop my tears ......

-"You gonna be ok?" he is looking conserned... I nod.
But all I realy want to do is to crawl into bed...get him to hold me...get him to say it's gonna be ok again! To say that we are safe!
Like we did when we were kids and dad was drunk....he was my safe heaven back then...my guardian angel...beeing four years my senior..

-"Hey! He opens his arms...I lean against his chest...my cheek against his leather west..
-"Sander's gonna be ok, you know! He is probebly sleeping by now"
He takes me in his arms...holding me tight.
-"It's gonna be ok, Ravn...Everything is gonna be fine"...

But afterwards I can se that his eyes are shiny.....
Even angels cry..

Even Hells Angels..

Kiss it away...

Things are improving I think!
I don't (what do you call it Dan?) waddle ?...like an old duck anylonger!
I still have to rest, and I am still in pain...but the pain is not as severe now.
I can live with it. Soon I will be out and about I think!
But alas....tomorrow is drainingday and the prospect of beeing sick as a dog for
the nex two days does'nt apeal to me..though I know i have to...

There are so many things I long to do right now...it is as my life been on hold this last year.
There has'nt been much of anything exept hospitals and pain...
but maybe this fall we could both be ok at the same time ....
that almost never happens.

But....

I know Sander is in pain though...I saw it all yesterday..and I see it even now as he sleeps.
He's got that little line beside his mouth...I can always tell by it.
I feel sorry for him. He has a hard time admitting to pain. When he has an attack it's diffrent...the pain completly takes over his body then ..and theres now way of holding back..
But the rest of the time..he mostly denys it..he is for some reason so afraid of showing that
he is in pain..It is as he thinks pain is some sign of beeing weak...
something he has to suppress and controll.
And I wonder what it is in his past that made him that way..
.but he wont talk about his past...or the fackt that he once had parents and a family.
I have tried for years to get him to talk about this...
but never succeeded..
The only thing I know is that he has been telling a tiny bit to granny...she is the only one
he trust aparently....knowing she wont tell on him.

Maybe he has told Ola as well....dogs never tell on you..
And when he spent a whole year in psyc...It was finaly Ola that made him come out of it...
He didnt speak for almost a year back then....
And then I got the bright idea of bringing Ola to vissit....
and he sort of fell apart and sobbed into Olas fur for hours...
after that he improved..but again..'
he did not want to talk about what was wrong...

I wish I would stop feeling hurt by this...I tell him sort of everything...
no part of my life beeing a secret..but I know so little of his until he was 13-14...
So the only thing I can do is to play along ...pretend I don't see...pretend all is well..
Until he gets another attack, and weeps helplessly in my arms....

He means the world to me...and I wish so much that I could help him...I just don't see how..
Other than loving him...

I think he is about to wake up...he is moving in his sleep...his face contracted in pain..
But i know when he opens his eyes he will say that he is ok...*sigh*

I wish I could kiss it all away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owTmJrtD7g8

So much for beeing honest...

My love is sleeping..it's late friday evening and we have watched tv just like an old married couple. Most of our friends (those we have left) are out ...maybe they are dancing on top of the barcounter at "Jecyl and Hyde"
I long to be there with them..long to be young and careless again.
I can't remeber the last time Sander and me went out to party...it certainly was a long,long time ago. And as I lay here I begin to think of the times we have had in that bar..Sander and me...Trine and Simon...Jan e, Une, Mikkel................ and Peter.

I remember when Sander was in hospital after one of his major surgerys.
Some of us had been visiting him there,
and afterwards we went to Peters place to hang out
and drink som beer.
Peter is realy a friend of Simons.... he swear that he is straight,
but he loves to play around...
and everytime he drinks to much he tries to sort of seduce me ....

This time he had a new girlfriend so I found it safe to be with him....but when I went to the bathroom ...guess who came after me? Guess who locked the door behind us and pushed me upp against the showerdoor holding my arms.. Peter!
He even tried to kiss me....but I bit his cheek ...hehe
I was a bit drunk and It felt so damned good when he pressed his body against mine...I could feel him groving hard against my hip. Luckily Trine knocked on the door wanting to use the bathroom. So nothing more happened..

When we came down to "Jeckyl and Hyde" I was actually quite drunk I think...and I teamed up with Jan E and an old friend from my highschool clas... Thomas.
We were dancing and having a good time...even up on the bar as I recal ...
Then Peter came and dragged me down...I had a shirt and jeans on.... and he opened my shirt and took it of...Then he bent down and licked my pierced nipple...OMG
The sensation went straight down to my groin !
I had'nt had sex in weeks! And he was so damn hot!!

He then takes my hand and drags me into one of the restrooms...the ladies room to be exact!
He wispers in my ear that I make him so horny. That he wants me so much...and when someones coming in he drags me into one of the stalls. His thoung slides down my throat.
Finding my nipple once more...oohhh!!
-Fuck! I am so horny! He wispers...... a bit short of breath...-
-Why dont you jack of then...I sugest ...teasing him.
But Peter opens his jeans and pulls out his cock...it's big, wet, and almost bursting it seems...I can't speak or hardly breath at this point ...I'm just staring at his hand stroking his cock.
And all I want to do is to jack of too...
But I wont do it with him...my drunken brain somehow finds it wrong... thank God!
But I can't help but letting my finger glide over his swollen cockhead....wet with precum.
And then put the finger in my mouth......mmmmmm

he must be just as horny as me....for that makes him cum...five or six thick squirts of sperm running of the wall. I'm realy near to cum myself now...and I need to because my nuts are starting to hurt. So I throw him out of the stall and close the door...I have to cum so bad I have trouble opening my jeans.

I bite my hand so I wont make any noise....

When I have finished and open the door...Trine and Peters girlfriend stands outside ...
They look surprised at me...-
-Hey... I try to look as I belong in there..
-What did you do in there? Trine asks...
-I jacked of... I smile at them ...and they laugh...they don't belive me!!!

So much for beeing honest...

Btw ......up til this day...I have never had sex with Peter...
though he keeps trying..lol

For Ravn

I hate to se you so sad my love.
There will come a time when you and your dad will comunicate
again. Give him some time to adjust. He'll come around. You know deep down he loves you verry much.

I will never leave you my sweetheart.
My love is yours forever.

Sander.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto

Dad..

He actually called me this morning!
" Hi, it's dad...how are you son?"
I was suprised to hear from him...oh, he cares... sort of.
He comes down to Oslo every time they think I might bite the dust...

" How is Siri?" I ducked his question...don't wanting to spill my guts for him.
"She is fine, just fine...she says hi" ....silence...

"So when did you get home from hospital"? ...he asks polite, distant.
Never realy wanting to know. Probebly his wife told him to call me...
It feels akward smalltalking to someone not realy intrested in doing so...
so I chose not to answer.
I wonder if he can keep up the conversation with me beeing the reluctant part?
Looong silence...

" Um, uh..how is your ...hm "things" healing up?"
"How is my what?" I'm not giving him an easy time now..
"Youre..hm...privates..
" Oh you mean my balls and prostate!" I joyfully replys.
"They are healing alright! But they still hurt like hell,
and I hurt from having sex too...

He coughs... I know he hates the idea of me fucking Sander...
That's why I have to slam it in his face! He falls silent...a long time.
Then I say : "Are'nt you gonna ask how Sander is?"
New cough.."Oh...um...How is he?" I cant resist provoking him...
"He is asleep at the moment..we've been fucking all morning..
U know the doc's said I got to keep my prostate in shape" I laugh..

Stuned silence...
Then...

"Uh..i have to get back to work.You Have a fine day.
Say hello to granny for me will you?"

Then he hangs upp..

And I burst in to tears.....

I just want him to love me....to love us!
Is that realy to much to ask?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZBfnccgNB0