Just small talking...

After an hour of loud metal music ...
I just had my morning shot of morph.
That's about the only thing that sort of helps me deal with the pain...
besides medication..the loud aggressive music helps me to
somehow face the pain better....
So no I am tired and I will soon go back to sleep.

The day in Oslo is cold,frosty and foggy....
But my bed is warm and comfy.
I have Sanders worn t-shirt as a pillowcover
the way I always has when he is not here..
That way I have his smell in my nose all through the night.
I do hope he is coming home today...I miss him so much..

Yesterday I spent some time with Simon and Milla...I lay outside
in the hammock while Milla played in the quite warm afternoonsun.
He is so good with her.. A natural dad I think.
He is a great guy....
Even though him and Trine don't live together at the moment...
They do plan to when they finnish school..in fact we all plan to...
we dream about moving in to a big old house.
Trine,Simon and a bunch of kids downstairs...me and Sander ...
the two great uncles..upstairs...
it would be greate and it is actually realistic too
since Trine is becoming a nurse in a year.
That way we would be safe.

Trine and me and her twinbrow Truls...grew up together.
Three houses apart we run between them and played ...
when i look back it seems my childhood was one long, happy summer.
At least the first years...until my dads drinking started to be to much.

And as we grew older..Trine and I keept beeing best friends.
We never dated...but hum..
When we was 13-14 she used to love to jack me of in her playhouse.
And so she sort of was my first sexuall experience
until the summer I turned 14...
That was when I got sort of (happily) raped
by one of my brothers girlfriends coming in to my room
drunk after a party..
Oh I did enjoy it verry much !
But when I think of it now...it was realy sexual abuse of a minor...she was 18.

Then there came a time when Trine hated me ...
I had slept with sort of half the girl-population in our
little suburban oslo town.
She loathed me for it...and she was right.
I did'nt behave nice...

But when Sander came along all that changed,
and I fell in love for the first and only time in my life so far.
And I discovered that sex with him was 10 000 times better than with a girl..
and I haven't been with one since then..

Oh, and something nice happened yesterday as well!
HB you made my day! So glad we finaly got in tuch! :)

I will get an hour or two of much needed sleep now...
See yea!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxUZUnRwH7s&feature=related