Monday blues

I'm not feeling good today...We both been to hospital for a check upp, Sander's ok again now...but I'm in pain... and the swelling is visible ...
They can't tell yet wether it's another inflamation or not ...

I'm fully aware that the next inflamation might kill me..
They have gotten more severe over the years...
and specially the last two times has been rough on me.

And on days like this..when I'm down in the dumps..I almost wish that it would happen..

I know that my family loves me....
but I also know that I'm a burden to them...
and I hate that...

Hell..
I shouldnt blogg when I'm in this mood...

I just want to lay down beside my lover and hold him...
never ever letting him go

.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwQruV2PGG0