It is an early saturday morning ...and everybody is sleeping but me. I'm in pain and I am waiting for the clock to turn 7 am ...so I can take a painkiller.
For the first time this summer/fall I feel optimistic now! Sure I hurt, but my body feels somehow stronger! And if they have cured me of the fucking inflamation that almost got the best of me ...then it is a chance that I wont get another one...at least not in my nuts ! For after they cut my spermcords the conection to the prostate has gone, and it is the prostate who is the "big bad wolf". Uro docs says that even if they get rid of the inflamations I wont be rid of the pain though. My nuts have taken so much beating from all the former inflamations that they are permanently fucked up...and I probebly still have to go on with the draining as well..
I started thinking about Butterflys coment on pain and pleasure...and she is right..
Maybe there would be no real pleasure if there was no pain? Maybe we could not value the pleasure if we didnt know what pain is?
Last night Sander and I made love ...not hurrying just enjoying each others bodys.
Giving them time to enjoy the pleasure fully. The endorfines (or what it is) almost stopps me from hurting ...it must be such a powerful drug! And it feels so greate to be able to just enjoy.
All though I most of all enjoy giving him pleasure..due to his damaged nerves there is one great asset...he is so sensetive that he feels the pleasure stronger as well .....not only the pain..
I love to give him that...love to watch him shiver and almost pass out from the orgasm...he looks so beautiful..and makes me soooo horny.
Pleasure and pain again..
And would we enjoy the pleasures of life so much if we didnt know the pain of death was lurking around in the shadows?
Hey! It's painkiller time!
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