Newyearsnight...

I lay still with a sleeping Sander in my arms
listening to the fireworks go of...
The muffled sounds and flickering light
from outside doesn't wake him.

We had time to talk...
And he plans to go through with it..
He says that even the slightest chance of getting
rid of the attacks is worth the risk...
I understand and agree.
If it was me who had a small chance of getting better
I would have taken that chance too...

But I cant help beeing scared.
Can I bear to "lose" him again?
I was stronger the last time than I am now..
I had all my strenght to offer to help pull him through
nowadays I am just very, very tired of it all....
The more or less constant pain is wearing me out.
Still I will do my best to carry him through this..
I will try and hold my focus on the outcome...
on him getting better...

So in this frozen newyearsnight I lay here
in the afterglow of the fireworks.
Trying not to cry as I gently kiss his sleeping face
I think I love him more than my own life!
The emotions running through my body at this moment
are so strong they almost scare me...
I burry my face in his blond hair...trying to stop time
To hold on to this moment.

Dear God...take care of him
Make him better for real this time...

And make me strong..


"You're the reason i still breath.
You're the light that lets me see..
When you fall in I will carry you back home.
You're the reason I still fight
I will tuck you in at night.
If you fall I will carry you back home..
You're not alone."

Stuedabakerbrown.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu9lV9NdADo