Rain down on me....

I am sorry to have missed u all on msn..

Sander is still in hospital and I have been with him most of the time trying to comfort him.
The draining was a real,huge mistake on him...I have never,ever seen him hurt like this..it is like one great, big permanent attack! Fuck...
He is so worn out from the pain now that he is totally careless to what happens to him...and I am scared. He needs to get his fighting spirit back.He can't give up!!

I have energy for little else than him ...the summer goes by outside the hospital windows...but I have no strenght left to enjoy it ...when I get home I fall asleep on the bed and stays there until next morning. I shower, I try to eat healthy and take care of myself...but I am all focused on him. He is the only thing that matters now...

It is a rainy day here in Oslo...and the hospital just called and told me they have decided to put him in a light sleep so that he can get a break from the pain.
I am grateful for that. He needs rest badly. I guess that means I wont go in this morning...or maybe I'll go later..

Here is Thomas Dybdahl for u....enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxvczSv7Shw

Love Ravn.

St. Hans....midsummereve...

I am slowly coming back to life after this weeks draining.

And this time we both went in to do it. They wanted to try it to Sander as well
I guess they have run out of ideas on how to ease his chronic pain. So some bright head came up with the idea of draining. Not a good idea!!!
As he is much more sensitive than me...the result was hellish pain and hospital.
I knew that would happen...funny they did not.

I have spoken to him on the phone this morning and he is still so drugged out he can hardly speak, my poor love. I don't know how long they are going to keep him in there. I miss him:(

Yesterday was St. Hans (midsummereve) here...with bonfires by the lake and fjord..and partys everywhere. I have been in no shape to attend, but wached tv from the livingroom sofa. And ate a tiny bit of Rømmegrøt and spekemat...the tradisjonell midsummer food that Trine brought over for me. Rømmegrøt is a kind of porridge cooked with fat sour creem and served with sugar,melted fat and cinnemon. And with that we eat dried salted meat from either pig or sheep or both. :)
A good hearty meal...haha


Love Ravn.

Rainy Friday...

It is a rainy Friday here in Oslo...
I am begining to recover from Mondays draining.
It still takes three days to get back to normal.
Hard on me, but I pull throug.

I wish I had something interesting to write about,
but nothing happens in our lives these days.

It is a big rock-festival going on in Oslo
caled "Norwegian Wood" lol

And It would have been fun to se Mark Knofler..but non of us is
well enough to attend. I'll have to do with my Spotify playlist and "Songs for rainydays" today...right now it is Guns'n roses September Rain playing on my I-pig:)
Oh, and Firethorne..it is not an apple product but poor "asian bullshitt"...a cute pig with speaker-eyes and volumcontroll-eares...lol

Friday also means cleaningday...so I will try to at least vacum upstairs..not fear that the nurses shal have to do all the housework too...

Sander is hurting and wont be able to help much today...but Trine and Milla will come by this afternoon, and Milla loves her "Uncle Tandl" reading to her while she cudle up next to him in bed.She realy is the cutest!

As for Iver he is still alive out on the farm...so no revenge so far on his private parts. We have invited Iver and Kris to spend some time with us during summervacation.
Then they can have our old room in the basement and have all the sex they want for a change.:))

So iam going to give u whats playing on my piggie right now...
enjoy!!

Love Ravn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRKqfrct070

Yes, I am back!

Hi!

I am back! I have been for almost two weeks,
but I have mostly been sleeping.
I am so boring!

I started my first day at home with finding Sander
unconciuos form an attack.
No fun at all.

But now we are both home and together...
he is not doing so good though...
he is pain most of the time and his meds makes him so tired.
So we are like a boring old couple.
Sleeping and eating.

Last week we spent some days out on the farm in Grannys house...
celebrating a delayed birthdayparty for me,
and watching Iver get in a fight
with one of the boys living with mum and Stephan.
The dude called Ivers boyfriend a stinking faggot.
So he got it coming.
Not a smart thing with streetsmart Iver around.
He got kicked in the nuts for reply.
So now we cross our fingers that he wont get back at Iver.

I am tired and I hurt still, but I do feel better than last time.
And I pulled through faster this time around.
Even if they say I was closer to biting the dust.

This morning I have to go in to drain,
can't say I am looking forward to it...but it is
the single thing that keeps me alive I think.

Oh, I got an I-pig for my brithday!
The one u can plug your I-pod or mp3 into.
I am realy in love with it!
The sound is great! And it is kind of cute too...

Wish me luck...

Love Ravn.

Update Saturday 22. May...

I think he is going to get out of hospital Tuesday!!! :D

He is much better now..a bit of memoryloss still from the drugs that made him sleep, but else he is fine, and this time around he has less pain than last time.
He is looking all fragile again, but just wait til he gets home! I am gonna put some meat on his bones!

I did not go to see him yesterday.
My painlevel has increased again and I was not able to get out of bed. It has come to the point now where the hospital is talking about operating in a form of "Pain-pump" in my spine to help deal with the chronic pain I am living with, but they hesetate due to my damaged nerves. Unsure if it will function the way it is meant to. I am tired of living this way, but also used to it somehow.

But when I get this periodes where the pain gets almost unbearable it is hard to find pleasure in anything. I dont live. I just exist.

I am thankfull for the nurses beeing here every day. Oh, I do love having Granny here. But I still tend to pull my act together with her. With the nurses I have deared to open up compleatly now.To let them see how I trealy feel. To the point where I even can cry infront of them.
It is painfull to do so, but I can feel it does something to me that is good too.
Softens me inside? Can't realy describe it.

Ravns back to his usuall horny self. :)
Even in hospital! Even in the state he is in now.
He never stops to amaze me lol.

Update saturday 15th May..

Scene: Hospital.
In bed: Confused Ravn coming back to me from "la-la land"

He has been opening his eyes from time to time all afternoon,
but not seen me there ...


Ravn: looking confused around the room..

Me: "Hey, love. I am here. (takes his hand )

Ravn: Looking even more confused and pulling his hand away "who are you"?

Me: Stroking his hair "Sander, your love, remember..

Ravn: Stairing at me completly blank...eyes wide and surprized.
"But you are a man"!!

Me: Laughing..."Yes, I am"...

Ravn: I am gay??? Even more surprised!

Me: I guess you are. (trying not to laugh)

Ravn: Eyes all over me....."Coool....You are hot!
Wanna F*** ??

Then before I can ansver his eyes rolls back and he is in
"la-la land" once more!! :D LOL!

Then I knew I had gotten my Ravn back...Totally confused and back from the
grip of dead...but already horny!!!

................................

He slept for most of his birthday. And did not speak again for the remains of the day. So we will celebrate his day when he is better.

Update Friday 14 May.

Yesterday evening things took a turn for the worse, and for a while it looked like Ravn was gonna give up, but somehow from somewhere early this morning he got the strenght he needed to pull through. And they say he will live!!!:))

I have been afraid of loosing him before, but never this close to realy doing so.

I think it has done something to me. Woke me up sort of. It is hard to explain. The overwhelming fair of not having him in my life anymore made me se that I have to open up to him and let him completely in to my heart and soul before it is to late.

I want him to be a part of me. The way he has let me be. To let him understand why I am the person I am. It is going to be dificult, but I will do it!

So ok, I can just as well start here, admitting that I hurt like hell this morning. I lay here in bed with the laptopp, with a gigant pillow under my stomack to try and ease the pain a bit, but it does'nt work.I have taken some painkillers that does next to nothing with the pain exploding from my balls to my spine. And right now I cant keep the tears away either.

I have been close to hell for some weeks but it is so hard for me to talk about, hard to show signs of weakness.
It is hard to even write about it, but I lay here almost weeping while I write, both from pain and gratitude cause my love will live!

It is not that I think it is wrong doing so. Just that I can't bring myself to open up and admit how I realy feel. Probebly due to my upbringing. I realise that I will have to open up on that too, even if it might "destroy me" doing so.

I love him so much. I just can't go on without him. So I need this to be honest and true and real. I need him to know the real me. To see what he got when he fell in love with me. It scares the shit out of me, but I have to do it.

Thank you all for your prayers. I don't know what force made him able to pull through, but I know he could not have done it on his own this time. So to whoever/whatever that was who helped him this morning....thank you so much! You did not just save one life...
You saved two!

I have just been on the phone with the hospital, and his fever has gone down even more !! Tomorrow they will start to bring him back from the deep sleep he has been in.
I will try and get some sleep.I probebly will have to get morph before I can do that, but I need to sleep now. I am totally worn out.

And once again
Thank you so much!

Sander.