Update Friday 14 May.

Yesterday evening things took a turn for the worse, and for a while it looked like Ravn was gonna give up, but somehow from somewhere early this morning he got the strenght he needed to pull through. And they say he will live!!!:))

I have been afraid of loosing him before, but never this close to realy doing so.

I think it has done something to me. Woke me up sort of. It is hard to explain. The overwhelming fair of not having him in my life anymore made me se that I have to open up to him and let him completely in to my heart and soul before it is to late.

I want him to be a part of me. The way he has let me be. To let him understand why I am the person I am. It is going to be dificult, but I will do it!

So ok, I can just as well start here, admitting that I hurt like hell this morning. I lay here in bed with the laptopp, with a gigant pillow under my stomack to try and ease the pain a bit, but it does'nt work.I have taken some painkillers that does next to nothing with the pain exploding from my balls to my spine. And right now I cant keep the tears away either.

I have been close to hell for some weeks but it is so hard for me to talk about, hard to show signs of weakness.
It is hard to even write about it, but I lay here almost weeping while I write, both from pain and gratitude cause my love will live!

It is not that I think it is wrong doing so. Just that I can't bring myself to open up and admit how I realy feel. Probebly due to my upbringing. I realise that I will have to open up on that too, even if it might "destroy me" doing so.

I love him so much. I just can't go on without him. So I need this to be honest and true and real. I need him to know the real me. To see what he got when he fell in love with me. It scares the shit out of me, but I have to do it.

Thank you all for your prayers. I don't know what force made him able to pull through, but I know he could not have done it on his own this time. So to whoever/whatever that was who helped him this morning....thank you so much! You did not just save one life...
You saved two!

I have just been on the phone with the hospital, and his fever has gone down even more !! Tomorrow they will start to bring him back from the deep sleep he has been in.
I will try and get some sleep.I probebly will have to get morph before I can do that, but I need to sleep now. I am totally worn out.

And once again
Thank you so much!

Sander.