Raining.

This day was suposed to be happy
you were suposed to be 27

you will never ever be

Forever locked in time at 26
young
beautiful

forever...

No celebration
no cake and candles

I am
alone
in the rain
even the sky
is crying
for you

the spring is late
my life is on hold
the world can stop
I don't care..

Let it rain on
til the end of time

You are no more
we are no more...

It is raining on
your birthday
my love...

It is raining
and my heart
is
not
a heart
anymore...

S.

Pain.

I have know'n you
for many years.
I have hated you
just as long.

Pain.

You kill all joy
You take away
my will to live.

You tortures my body
until it gives up
gives in

Pain.

Sanctuary.

I thought nothing could be worse
I was wrong

so wrong.

Pain.

I welcome you
You make me hurt so I can't think

Oblivion.

They put painkillers in my coke
I don't want any
I want to enjoy my own private
screaming
hell of pain

undisturbed

Because afterwards
the silence
in my body
will kill him

over
and
over

forever.


S.

Mourning.

Locked up
locked in

Protected against myself

Why can't I choose
life
or
death.

My body
broken after years with pain

My soul
ruptured with grief.

My heart
torn
out of my body

Leaving a big ragged hole
open for the wind

My love
my life
my everything
Soulmate
lover
brother in arms.

We were once so young

Now
I am a thousand years old
I have seen it all

I am dead tired
I want
darknes

I want
to be
nobody

Oblivion.


S.

Oblivion.

Alone
So here I am
Me
Now

I have not decided if I am alive or dead.
My body hurts, but my soul is an open wound.

I can cope with the pain in my body
I am used to that
It almost makes me feel safe
and it gives me a break from my mind

Oblivion
No more...

But when the pain subsides
Reality hits me in the back of my head
like a sledgehammer.

Bom...

I have not cried
I have not spoken

My voice wont come out anymore
and all my tears are bottled up inside me behind thick brick walls
They try to pull them down
they try to tear holes in me
Every day
all the time

I wont let them
I seek my pain
I even sometimes provoke it
so I can hurt more

I endulge in it.
No painkillers
no relife.

I want every single nerve in my body to wrench and twist
until I puke from pain
I want my body to shake with attacks so strong they make me my body shut down

Unconcious

Oblivion.

I can not belive this has happened
It has been more than four months now

I always belived it would be me...

First

Not him..


Alone.

More than ever

Not we

I

for all eternity.


He is missing
he is forever missing!
The last of my will to stay alive
died with him.

Sleep
The little death

Oblivion.


II

Inside my head
When I close my eyes. He is there.
I can hear his voice. Se his sweet face.
I can even smell him..

His sweather on my pillow
Nobody allowed to tuch it

His scent in the night
fades...

Fades.


His voice, his varm, dark voice...
Just a low whisper

I am sorry...I'm so sorry
I can't anylonger
I am so sorry...

The silence is everlasting
It will never go away again.
Never ever..

************************

Your hand slipping out of mine
silent and white
resting on the blanket

A smal red scratch on the back of your hand
It will never heal
It fills me with an unbearable grief
and shattering pain

That little red scratch
on your hand.

My cold lips
against
 your still warm hand

Against your lips
soft now

Everything is
for the last time...


Death

Oblivion...



S.

Ravn.

 
This is Trine and this is probably the saddest thing I ever have written or ever will write. But I have to write this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

My darling Ravn died peacefully in his sleep in hospital three weeks ago. On the 26th of November, I was there along with Sander and Ravn's family. The inflammations had become too much for his
already poor body.

The funeral was held about a week later after which he was cremated.

　

Ravn's ashes will be taken up to those mountains he loved so well. They will be taken there in spring, as he had wanted. There his soul will be set free.
 
But sorrow doesn't end there. Sander is locked up in the psychiatric hospital, having shut out the world totally. The death of his Ravn really destroyed everything in him. We try to help, but how can we?



Thank you all for beeing such good friends to him. Dan, Butterfly, Firethorn. He loved you.


Trine.



This was played at Ravns funeral :

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=TLstyvBgriY

Sander.

. I just want to tell you that Ravn is in hospital, and has been unconcious for over two weeks. We are hoping and praying, but it does not look very good this time. Not at all.

Sander.

There and back again.

I guess you figured out already that I have been in hospital. Yea...I had another inflamation, but to everybodys surprise it was not as serious as the last ones has been. Oh, it hurt alright, but I pulled through without to much strain and is now at home. Tired an run down, but alive!

Sander is coming home next week. I miss him so much now. I can't wait for us to be asleep in our one bed again...in each others arms. Bliss!

Autumn is here, and it is far warmer and brighter than our summer... so far. Strange days realy, but nice to. I try to spend as much time as I can outside. Just to fill up my batteries for the winter comes.

How are you all out there?I seldom hear from u these days.
 I am worried for my bloggerfriend Ron at "Rusty Racer" who fights a hard battel againts cancer right now. Please pray for him you good people out there. Pray to whatever God you belive in.

It makes me think of my own mortality and how lucky I have been after all. Life is not to be taken for granthed. It is precious....so precious.

Love  Ravn