A very windy christmas.

I am glad the farm is still standing! We have had the worst storm (hurrycane) in over 30 years. Trees falling, roofs blowing off and elektrisity gone. The coast had the worst wind, but even here trees have gone down and we lost the power for over 12 hours yesterday. I most admit it was somehow cosy to sit by the big kitchenfire and drink mulled wine with candles litt all over the place...reading storys to each other. Very old fashion and xmasy!

It has been great out here, even if i have felt better.Iver and I have spent a great deal of time on the sofas in the livingroom reading and watching tv. Still I have enjoyd myself. I think we all have. Even Lasse says he's had a nice christmas. Him and Sander and me went outside by midnight xmas eve to light a candle in the snow for Arn. It was realy peaceful and beautiful, and Lasse got to cry a bit witch I think did him good.

I am not sure when we will head for home. But we will be home by newyears eve I think. I miss my bed, and I think Lasse will die from hornyness soon if he does'nt get to be with Peter!

At Grannys.

We are installed for the christmas vacation in Grannys house out on the farm. Lasse draw us out there this afternoon. He is spending the hollydays with us. His first christmas without Arn. It is bound to bring back some memorys. I keep thinking it is just as well that Peter is spending the christmas with his family. It will be good for Lasse spending some time without him this christmas I guess.

Oh, maybe I did not tell you about that! Lasse and Peter have been seeing each other fore some time now. At first i thought it was purely sex between them, but after a while it seems like it has grown in to something more serious..and that Peter for the first time in his life will admitt that he is gay. ADT!
He has been living more at our house than in his own apartment lately, and they are talking about getting a place together. I am not sure if this is wise. maybe it is to soon to hop into a new relationship, but Lasse has to decide for himselves.
I think for the first time in his life he is getting all the sex he wants, and I guess he is thrilled!

Out here in the countryside at Grannys...Iver is a bit better (for those who doesnt know he has been back in hospital fighting of another outburst of inflamation.)
He is still in pain, but the fever has gone. I worry a lot over him. because I am afraid he will end upp like me. Dear God! I realy don't wish that for him!

I still hurt a bit from Mondays draining, and I have trouble sleeping before my painkiller kicks inn. Sander is sound asleep beside me. Blond hair spreding out over a blue pillow. He is so beautiful...my love.

Tomorrow it is "little christmas eve" we will decorate the tree and help preparing for the feast on christmas eve. I hope we are going to have a good time. I hope nobody is in pain. I hope nobody ends up in hospital, and I hope all of you out there will have a magic christmas.

I love you all!

Ravn.

Still around!

Yes, I am still alive....amazing realy..

Life goes on and christmas is creeping nearer.Thank God for cybershopping! I couldnt have bought any presents without it. But this year I actually had a lot of fun doing my christmas-shopping on line. Stress and painfree!

Theres no big change in my condition. But the pain is a little less severe, thank God! I am beginning to look forward to christmas at the farm with my family. today we have trimmed the house with christmas decorations and tomorrow we will do the tree. A little late u might think, but actually it is early in Norway where moast people dont decorate their trees until Desember 23. That is because we celebrate christmas until January the 6th...some even for another week! Until the 20th day of christmas! We usuallu take the decorations down on the 6th though..and we like to put them up a bit early so we can enjoy the last week before christmas in peace and quiet.

I am going inn to drain tomorrow. Cant't say i look forward to it, and I hope it will be less rough on me this time. Hopefully I'll be back home Wednesday. Have a great week all you saints and sinners out there!

Love Ravn.

Not verry x-massy!

I have been to hospital again. This time to drain. It took almost a week to recover. If I can even call it that! From earthshanking pain to "only" annoying-I cannot sleep-pain is hardly a recovery. But I am still alive, and I am trying my best to stay that way.

I have nothing to write about realy... our daily life is dull and totaly predictable. Like that of an old married couple.We eat and sleep...we fall asleep in front of the telly. Fun-fun-fun!!

Sander has had some good weeks up until now. But he is back to hurting too, and yesterday the pain-attack came and he is now in hospital. I miss him already. I hate sleeping alone, but at least I can cry without him seeing. Thats kind of a relive.

And the late autumn is damp and grey. Warm for this time of the year. There is little to remind me that x-mas is soon coming up, We have'nt had any snow so far.
So no x-masy feelings at all. Besides I only have one wish for Santa; No pain! That goes for both Sander and me. Just for a week! Even for a day! I'll settle for anything now. I have not had a day without pain for months now...I long for a good nights sleep...a walk in the woods...a night out ...painless lovemaking. I wont ask for anything more, Santa...please..

please...

Ravn.

Nightwatcher...

Late night, and I can't sleep...

I am so tired, but the pain keeps me awake...Sander is asleep. He has been better for for a couple of weeks now. I am so pleased for him! He deserves to breath for awhile. To live a little. Sometimes I think he would be better off without me, but I know deep down that it is not true. He loves me..just as much as I love him.
He is my pride and joy, love and life. He is the reason I stay on this side of the dirt!

I have a full time night nurse this days. With Trine out on maternety leave I need someone to adminster my medication. And another dose of painrelive is still an hour away. Then if am lucky I will get a few hours sleep before hell brakes loose again.

And I worry about Dan. I havent seen him on msn for days now! And I know he cant coment in here...so Dan if u read this....please com on msn and tell me you are fine!

And sweet Firethorne..you always cheers me up. Thank u so much,...thanks to all who reads here. I pray that u will get a good nights sleep.

Love Ravn.

Hey..

I think I most have the most boring blog in the world.

I have nothing fun to share with you this time either...I struggel with constant pain of the most presisting kind..the kind one can't pretend is'nt there even for five minutes. It wears me out, and it wears my suroundings out as well.

I do nothing but lay on my bed or on the couch upstairs... I feel sorry for my self and I guess I am a real pain in the ass. Poor Sander. He is realy trying his best.
They don't even drain me now. Guess they are afraid of killing me or something.
Maybe just as well. Do it fast instead of this drawn out suffering...
It's realy so good for nothing...

Sorry, I should have made some joke, or coments to let u know I keep my spirits up, but my spirit is kind of dead...as I am..

Thats life...thats me

Ravn

just to keep you posted.

Ravn is in and out of hospital, mostly inn.
Right now he is home on weekend leave. Things are not looking grate, and he is growing weak and is looking frail.
There is not much to do exept from trying to ease his pain. There are no inflamations at the moment but the pain has gotten chronic, an wears him out totally.
He says to give you his love!

Sander