There and back again.

I guess you figured out already that I have been in hospital. Yea...I had another inflamation, but to everybodys surprise it was not as serious as the last ones has been. Oh, it hurt alright, but I pulled through without to much strain and is now at home. Tired an run down, but alive!

Sander is coming home next week. I miss him so much now. I can't wait for us to be asleep in our one bed again...in each others arms. Bliss!

Autumn is here, and it is far warmer and brighter than our summer... so far. Strange days realy, but nice to. I try to spend as much time as I can outside. Just to fill up my batteries for the winter comes.

How are you all out there?I seldom hear from u these days.
 I am worried for my bloggerfriend Ron at "Rusty Racer" who fights a hard battel againts cancer right now. Please pray for him you good people out there. Pray to whatever God you belive in.

It makes me think of my own mortality and how lucky I have been after all. Life is not to be taken for granthed. It is precious....so precious.

Love  Ravn

Status Quo.

It has been a while since I was here..
Sanders surgery is over and done with. It went well,as in he didnt hurt so much... but was not a sucsess. They couldn't realy do anymore to his nerves back there...so no hope in the way of recovery. He is tired, but not in severe pain. He is disapointed of course, but we knew the chanses was not very high.
For the time beeing he is in rehab. Training to get back on his feet again. He will continue to use the weelchair now...and he says he is ok by it. I don't know if he means it thoug' :(

The traveling back and forth to the hospital has finaly taken it's toll on me, and left me exhaused with a growing pain and a fever...I pray that it is not going to develop in to an inflamation...cause I don't have much strenght left in me now to fight it. I have used it all on my love.

The summer here in Norway has been the coldest and rainyest ever !So we did'nt miss much.. And now autumn is waiting to take over. I love the fall, usually I realy do, but this year I don't want it. I can't stand the thougt of another winter!

The building of our house is beginning at the end of the month, with some luck we can all move in by xmas! We hope!

And soon our house is going up for sale. That will feel strange and a bit sad. I have lived here all my life, and to think of other people livingin our rooms make me almost tear up..But maybe it is just my exhustednes speaking...I hope so..

Well, tomorrow I am in for draining, and if my fever keeps on building they may want to keep me.

Wish me luck!


Love Ravn.

Waiting...

I am sorry ...I have not been able to go in here to write for a long time. With Sander in hospital and myself traveling back and forth ..I have simply been totally worn out when the evening comes.

Yes, he is in again...and yes, they are doing tests on him before they wil finaly operate on him once more in a couple of weeks. He has been in realy bad shape, and has been hurting a lot. So I have been with him almost all the time. My own pain has thankfully taken a break...or else I could'tn have.

So my days is like this: Shower, breakfast (if not to tired), hospital, bed...not much to write about.

It is'nt as we are missing out on the summer. The weather has been realy, realy bad here in southern parts of Norway so far. Rain, rain and more rain. Totally depressing...
So we spend the time in hospital watcing movies and tv-series...(when he is up to it) or I read to him.
Right now we are into "Game of thrones" and waiting for another season of "Borgias".

Poor Sander is having a realy shitty time...and I wish I could take his place so he could have a chance of breathing and sleeping without beeing knocked out on drugs.
He is able to show a little more emotions this time around, and thats a big relife! It is so much better to comfort him when he can admitt that he is going through hell...better for him too...

But I get tired. I mean...I am only human...and I still have my drainings to go through every forthnight...
The days I am out from pain Lasse is taking my place...

And so times goes slowly by as we wait for his surgery.
I hope you all have a great summer!


Love Ravn.

Hip, hip Hurra!!

So yesterday we celebrated Norways national day...as always with big childrensparades all over the country. This pick is from Oslo.

We was out on the farm to be with my family, babysis Siri, granny and Iver. We had a good time, and in fackt we are still there. We where 21 people round the big kichentable in the farmhouse yesterday, and we all had a marvelous time...maybe exept for Sander.
He is in pain, and has trouble sitting...and so he withdraws from us as usual and has mostly been laying on the sofa in grannys little livingroom accompanied of Siri and a deck of cards.

Iver and Chris has been here. Rein and Pelle as well, and even Lasse and Peter came out to be with us!

Today I am kind of tired and hurting a bit. Ignoring the pain yesterday does not pay of. So I have only myself to thank for it! Sander and me are spending the day outside in the gardenhouse (greenhouse)
in two deckchairs loaded with coke, painkillers, and newspapers.
It is warm and summery out here even if the day is a bit overcast.

We will probebly stay until Sunday when Siri goes home to Dads. Today she and Granny has gone to Oslo to do some shopping, and they want be back until late this evening.

I hope you all have a bright and wonderfull Friday!

Here's a pick from the childrens parade out here in the country yesterday :)

Love Ravn.

Twentysix...

Yep, tomorrow I'm gonna bee 26 years old...wired...
In my head I am a strange cross between 16 and 80!

I guess I have a lot of experience people my age usally does not have, and still I don't know much about living a normal life. With school, work and familiylife...I am just laying here most of the time. Watching the world go by...watching myself groving older almost from a distance..sort of.

I have been sick for 10 years now...that is a long, long time...and it depresses me to think about it.
I have achived nothing in these years but to put my life on hold. A hold that is still there...
Thank God I have Sander!  Or we have each other. Nobody else would or could understand...
Nobody else would endure...

I was suposed to go in draining today, but I refused. My babysis is coming down here tomorrow for my birthday and for the 17.th.That is Norways nationalday celebration. And I want to spend time with her instead of in hospital puking my guts out. Hopefully we will go out to the farm.

Sander is going to have the surgery I told you about in my last post. No date is set yet, but they think sometime late in the summer. He is calm about it. I am scared....but I don't show (I hope)

Right now he is messing about in the kichen ...baking me a birthdaycake! In Norway we use cakes with a lot of fresh fruits and heaps of wipped cream and marzipan...mmmmm

Happy birthday to me!!

All good things...

All good things must come to an end....so did this weekend sadly.

I am once again on my own after a weekend of  sex, drugs and rock'n roll!
But the drugs beeing painkillers on my behalf. I had a wonderful time, and I realy miss the boys.
But here is yet another Monday with draining and hospitalaizing ...yuck.

I will go to se Sander first. Today the doctors are going to decide if they are going to try and operate on him one more time. A desperate shot in the dark maybe, but it is posibble he will feel less pain this time.  When he has the attacks they do those kind of spermatick cord blocks on him.
And now they want to try a microsurgey procedyre called (I have to google it) denervation of the spermatick cord. It is a tricky procedyre because of all the scaring he has, but they think they have a fair chance of sucseeding. So Sander has given them a "go". IF they do decide to go ahead, the German surgon will come here once again to preform it.
I have mixed feelings over this, cause it does not help more than 50 % ....but if he is willing to try I will suport him. 

It is time for me to go now. Nurse Tim is getting pushy here! He is the one driving!
Have a good spring week everyone!

Love Ravn.

Angels and sinners.

So at least I have one reader left! Thanks Fire! :)

My love is still in hospital, and I have Lasse and Peter for company this weekend.
They arived yesterday, and it was realy great to see them again.
I have given the nurses the weekend of just so they wont think I am a big slut
for installing the three of us in the downstairs bedroom...*blush*
I needed sex, and I needed it desperately!  It was a first time with me and Peter, and wow!
I almost regrett that I never gave in to him back then when he flirted with me...lol
I just loved it! And the combo Lasse/Peter is unbeatable.
I even think my nuts hurts a little less this morning, and that made me sing in the shower a while ago.
And I refuse to feel bad or slutty about it!

We will go to se Sander in hospital later on, and maybe we will go out this evening. If my body is up to it. Things can change rapidly with me, you know.

In the middle of all this I have been thinking alot of Arn lately. It is a year ant two months since he died now. And I still have a problem beliveing that he is gone. And I got to think..
Did I ever tell you his story? How we met him, and how he and Lasse became a couple?

Ok, if you have read it before. You can just stop here :) I think I need to write about him this morning.

As you all know Sander lived in a youthcare living project from the age of 14 -16. He met Lasse there, and they soon became best friends. When Lasse moved out two new boys moved in. Arn, and his twin brother Adrian. They where 16 I think (or was it 15?)
It realy doesnt matter that much does it!
And theire story was tragick. They had lost both their parents in a car crash and the same crash almost killed Arn. Adrian miraculosly just broke his arm. Arn almost crushed his pelvis and leggs and had to stay in hospital for a long, long time. He was in severe pain and almost gave up
 but his brother was by his side all the time, and urged him back to life

Over the year Arns condition got worse and worse, with cronich pain and tumors poping up. He was the one suffering the most. More than me and Sander. More than anyone knew I think.

Lasse, who often vissited Sander after he had moved out..knew he was gay already back then. And fell head over heals in love with Arn. And I understand him. I think Arn was the prettyest human beeing I have ever seen! He could easily have made it big as a male model with his beautiful face, thick blond hair and slender body.
He had that perfect combination between all male and tuch of femeninity that is so rare to find.
(besides he had the biggest dick I have ever seen...hehe)

Arn was so shy back then, that Sander had to acompany him on his first date with Lasse. But after that the two of them hit it of. But in time it became clear that Arns codition was not going in the right direction. He was unable to finnish scool, and the two brothers decided to go up to Northern Norway to live with an aunt. Arn needed care and she was the only family they had left. After a while Lasse moved up there too, just to be with his love. And he stayed with him until Arn took his own life 14 months ago. Sweet Arn...
How we miss you! Our angel in faded jeans...

I think Lasse is thinking of him all the time, but he has a good life with Peter. And he is so sure that he will meet Arn again on the other side somehow. I think so too. And until then I feel good about having a gay angel in blue jeans looking after me from up there!

It is still early in the day. I am going to take my morning medication, and crawl back into bed with my guests. I am preparing for a "hot" weekend...and maybe ( as a resultt) a less painfull draining on Monday!

Love Ravn