Stars...

It's almost 9pm...and my love is already sleeping...

I have taken my computer to the sofa so I wont disturb him...

We have spent most of the day in bed...sleeping, cuddeling, and then I made love to him very,very gently. He needed that.

And I think it even eased his pain a bit.

The snow is still here, and it is getting colder...

the eveningsky bright with stars...

It is so beautiful....

I am so glad that we live far enough from the city to se the stars.

Two of them are ours...

I bought them for Sanders birthday some years ago ..

twinstars with a map so we can locate them.

A silly gift...I know, but kind of romantic too..

And he liked my gift..

This weekend it's halloween...it is not a big celebration in norway...but it's getting there.

Sunday is also " Alle helgens dag"

The day we celebrate and remember our dead

by going to thecemetary and light candels...

We will visit my babybrothers grave as we do each year..

I have tried asking Sander were his parents are burried...

if he would like to go there...but he just shuts me of when I ask.

So I leave it be...

Lately I have been thinking about death a great deal again...

of my own mortality...

It's scary to think that the next inflamation might kill me...

The most frightning is that when I am realy sick I do wish to die!

So I try to avoid thinking of it...I always try to be optimistic....but then again..

I can't shut out the realitys of life..

And I want to be prepared...

I have written down the way I want my funeral to be...

what music to play...what flowers to lay on my coffin

And I have written that I don't want to be burried...

I hate the idea of rotting in the ground!

I want my ashes scattered in the mountains...

in a place called Eidsbugarden in Jotunheimen

I want my soul to be free to fly ...

and my body to be one with the marvelous nature up there.

My favorite place on earth...

And the stars up there....man...they are realy magnificent!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0xi5FqIefE

Ashamed little piggy...

I was waken from my pleasent dream of swimming naked
in the lake by a loud thud..
It was Sander dropping his bag on the floor..
-"Hey", he smiled ...
I sat upp on my knees and he came to the bed and huged me..
his cold wintercoat against my naked body...
the shock made me wide awake..
-"I didn't think you would come until the afternoon"... I beamed.
-"So I slept a little."
-"That's ok". He sat down heavily on the bed...
I climbed out of it and took his coat.
Then I climbed back and sat on my knees over his lap and kissed his warm lips....
He tasted of spearmint-gum. I ran my fingers through his long hair..
and felt the silky caress against my hand..
He grabbed my bare ass with both hands...
making me stand up on my knees.
so that it became very obvious to him how much I had missed him..

He bendt down a little and the tip of his thounge slided
over my already very eager "welcome-committee"...
making me utter a sound I have never heard before.
Making him look up at me smiling that little
almost smug smile that tolld me he was so enjoying this...

He took of his sweater and layd back on the bed...
dragging me upp so that I sat on his chest.
And still with a firm grip on my ass ...he started to play with me..
His warm mouth making me close my eyes and hold on to his hair...
trying not to scream..

The first wave hit almost with no warning...
I fell down on my hands ...
unable to hold back...my body shaking
He never for a sec took away his mouth....
just continued to play with me...gently...slowly..
until I beg of him to let me climax a second time.... desperate now..
until my gasping breath sounded almost like crying ...
then he finaly gave in...

I could see that he was hard ...but he said "don't"
when I reached out for him...
It was obvious that he still was in pain...
So I did the only right thing for a gentleman to do at these occasions....
I fell asleep like a fucking pig!!


Yes, I am an ashamed little piggy...
But he later ensured me that it was the nicest
welcome home that he has ever had...
so i rest my case...hehe.

But...when he undresses later I can se why he didn't
want me to tuch him..
He is still very swollen and it must have hurt like hell just to have a hard on...
Poor baby...
He says he is ok...as usual....

But he doesn't object of me putting him to bed and tucking him in....

Later on Espen comes to see how he is doing (oh that's our Doc)
and he makes him admitt that he is still in some pain...
And sure...I know...he hates to be fuzzed over!
But I can't help it...it's nice to play the part of"Florence" for a change...
And I do love him so much!

There is nothing in the world as silent as snow...

I have slept like a baby all through the night..

And this morning somthing is difrent. The light from my smal windows, the muffled sound from the main road, sort of a newfound silence in my room.

Ola is awake and urging me to go up and let him out. So I just slip on a big,long sweather over my bedwarm, naked body, and takes him upstairs.

Up in the kitchen the miracel unfolds through the windows...It's snowing !!!

The world has turned white and wonderful over night!

I open the kitchen-terasse door and let the icy air in...and Ola out.

Then i run downstairs...

I pull on my sweatpants,socks, boots, armyjacket and mittens..

then I run upstairs to join Ola outside...he is delighted by the snow!

Rolling around in it, so I do the same thing!

I dive in...and get snow in my mouth and nose...lol

It feels wonderfull and refreshing just likke the first dip in the sea in spring...

So Ola and I lay on our backs...in the soft cottonish snow...

making angels...

His doesn't look like one...but then again...

I don't know..Labradorangels might look difrent.

Then for a moment...

the last few seconds before the cold creepes through my clothes..

I lay still on my back...and I look up against the sky...

the sensation of flying up into it is just as strong as I remember it

from my childhood.

I feel wightless..floating up into the white, silent universe...

and I think that this must be how eternety feels like...

Still, soft....

Everlasting....

There is nothing in the world as silent as snow...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYOFZprNAuY&feature=related

Yey !!

I think the shit is finaly over for this week!
I have spent most of the day hurting,puking and sleeping.....great fun !
But at last I am feeling better...

And tomorrow "Goldielocks" is coming home :)

Yey !!!

Nurse Rosetta...

New morning in old Norway...and I shall go back to sleep in a little while.
Had my morningshot and i have managed to pass out outside the bathroom...so today I am not alowed beeing on my own and my brother is coming to babysit me..

I have spoken to Sander this morning...he is tired but says he will come home tomorrow.
I realy hope he will! I am so lonely in my bed..

My newfound friend is so sweet...staying with me on MSN while I wait for my nightshot..waiting while I puke and barely is able to write... he would make a fine nurse :)

My "Nurse Rosetta"? lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gAD4y1C06k

Another hellday...

It was maybe the worst ever...and now I hurt a bit even on morph. Hell..

Sander had an attac in hospital this morning...thank God that he was not home yet...this way he got help at once and when I stoped by him before my draining he was sound asleep...
So now he want be home until wednsday..

I have been alone all day...withc sucks...but I had prepared myself for the pain when the morph went out of my system until I got another shot..by surounding my bed with barfbucket,pissbottle, papertowels, water and my cellphone...in case I needed Trines mom
(she's my back up) I made it on my own though ...taking turns puking and crying....lol

Now I feel very doped, sleepy and giggely...my Stephdad is home...and I will try to get some sleep..

painkiller-music..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p6_WZJJNBw

Sunday...

A looong sunday...been in pain most of the day..no sign of infection though.
Just the fucking tennisball up my ass...makes it hard to sit.
Wanted to go see Sander,
but doc said no...
so I have been a good boy and been at home...
resting on the sofa upstairs...

We have spoken on the cellphone though,
and he think he can go home tomorrow...I hope so too...
Then he can come home with me after my drainage.

I can't say I look forward to do that now...
it will probebly hurt more then usual..and I hope they won't have to put me out to do it...sometimes they have too.

I miss my newfound cyber-pal...hope he is ok.

Hey! If you se this! I have just ordred "30 days of night" on dvd! :D


Here comes a sweedish video lol ....Allting som jag vill ska jag gjöra ....aaaaaa...aaaah!!
(anything I want to do...I'll do!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5t9JOLyPSA