We are survivors!

All tired and fucked up from the draining on Monday. But I am still here.
And it suddenly made me come to the conclusion ...I am a survivor!

I mean...hell, I have pulled through every God damned inflamation ...I make it through these hellish drainings every fortnight...I must have a special kind of strenght...
And I think I know what that strenght is...It is Sander! Without him I don't think I would be alive today...without him I would not realy care.

The pain from Mondays draining still lingers on today...not as fierce, but it is there...making me unable to participate in the daily chores. In the beginning...the first years...the pain lasted only for two days. No it is nearly four...and I spend three of them in hospital. Thats ok...they know how to deal with it, and they master my pain a bit better than we are able to at home.

I am on the sofa up in the livingroom with my laptopp...looking out on a winter wonderland outside.Longing to go skiing or snowboarding. It has been way to long since we did it...and I guess Sander is not able to anylonger..
Thats sad,couse he loves snowboarding. But he just dont have the strenght or balance anymore. His back couses him a lot of pain these days...and mixed with the pain from his nuts it is realy no picknic. My poor sweet baby..
But we hold our hopes up...waiting for spring, when he will be able to use his chair more outside. Hopefully that will take the worst strain of his back and lead to less pain.

Right now he is asleep in the other end of our big cornersofa, blond strains of hair laying across his cheek. looking more beautiful than ever...he has been awake many times during the night trying to find a way to rest that eazes the pain.
But in the morning he finaly admitted to needing a pain-shot...and now, thank God ...he is able to rest and sleep for a few hours.

And to think what he has been going through! Man, he is an even greater survivor than me!! We are both stronger than we think!

But this is how our lives look like most of the days...not much happens...most days life consists of tv and painkillers. But then again...there are days that shine! When we can pretend to live a normal life, and forget about pain and drainings an attacs. The days that makes life worth living.

And we have so much to be thankful for. Each other, family, friends, Milla, our nurses, we are truely blessed in so many ways. We live in a rich country were we've been provided for...if we lived in another part of the world I think we both had been dead by now...

I am getting sleepy watching Sander...I think I will get some sleep too until my painkiller wears out in about an hour. I hope you have a great day out there...and know that you are a survivor too...and count your blessings!

Love Ravn.