Arn...

Sander took the morningflight up North yesterday...to be with Lasse.
I am glad he did...Lasse is going to need him now.

I can't realy get it into my head that Arn is dead. Beautifull, sweet Arn...the prettiest boy I have ever seen...gone? He can't be:(

But he is...Lasse woke up Monday morning holding his dead body in his arms...I can't even imagin how that must have felt.
They had a very nice Sunday, with Adrian and his family, and Arn seemed so pleased and better than he had been in a long time. They even made love before they went to sleep, wich he did'nt want to verry often anylonger.
Then sometimes in the middle of the night. Arn stood out of bed, emptied all his painkillers and a bottle of Scottcs...he wrote a short note saying that he was sorry, but he couldt take the pain anymore...then he went back to bed...

My tears stream down my cheeks as I write this...he must have planned it..he knew all Sunday what he was going to do...and he must have been relived sort of..
Lasse told me he looked so peacefull, almost smiling, all the lines of pain on his sweet face gone. Lasse seems so calm and in control of him selves...he says he understands Arns decicion...that he would not want him to suffer anymore...to watch him getting worse and worse....but I guess he is bound to get a reaction sooner or later. And thats why it is good that Sander is with him. His closest friend.

Arns body will be transported down to Oslo for burial next to his parents...Lasse will probebly go back to live here too. Sander and me will offer him our basement room if he wants it. Time will tell.

The funaraldate is not set yet...but I guess sometimes next week. Adrian and his family, Arns aunt, and some close friends will probely come down as well and we can have some staying here, and some staying out on the farm.

I can relate to what Arn did...I mean...I have almost been there myself..I know how desperate you can get from pain...but now I think I can say that I wont go down that road! I cannot do that to the ones that love me.I cant make them suffer like this. At least not while I am sane!

I hope and pray that Arn is in a better place now. Where there is no pain...where he can be with his parents...and wait for the day Lasse arrives.

Love ravn