Hip, hip Hurra!!

So yesterday we celebrated Norways national day...as always with big childrensparades all over the country. This pick is from Oslo.

We was out on the farm to be with my family, babysis Siri, granny and Iver. We had a good time, and in fackt we are still there. We where 21 people round the big kichentable in the farmhouse yesterday, and we all had a marvelous time...maybe exept for Sander.
He is in pain, and has trouble sitting...and so he withdraws from us as usual and has mostly been laying on the sofa in grannys little livingroom accompanied of Siri and a deck of cards.

Iver and Chris has been here. Rein and Pelle as well, and even Lasse and Peter came out to be with us!

Today I am kind of tired and hurting a bit. Ignoring the pain yesterday does not pay of. So I have only myself to thank for it! Sander and me are spending the day outside in the gardenhouse (greenhouse)
in two deckchairs loaded with coke, painkillers, and newspapers.
It is warm and summery out here even if the day is a bit overcast.

We will probebly stay until Sunday when Siri goes home to Dads. Today she and Granny has gone to Oslo to do some shopping, and they want be back until late this evening.

I hope you all have a bright and wonderfull Friday!

Here's a pick from the childrens parade out here in the country yesterday :)

Love Ravn.

Twentysix...

Yep, tomorrow I'm gonna bee 26 years old...wired...
In my head I am a strange cross between 16 and 80!

I guess I have a lot of experience people my age usally does not have, and still I don't know much about living a normal life. With school, work and familiylife...I am just laying here most of the time. Watching the world go by...watching myself groving older almost from a distance..sort of.

I have been sick for 10 years now...that is a long, long time...and it depresses me to think about it.
I have achived nothing in these years but to put my life on hold. A hold that is still there...
Thank God I have Sander!  Or we have each other. Nobody else would or could understand...
Nobody else would endure...

I was suposed to go in draining today, but I refused. My babysis is coming down here tomorrow for my birthday and for the 17.th.That is Norways nationalday celebration. And I want to spend time with her instead of in hospital puking my guts out. Hopefully we will go out to the farm.

Sander is going to have the surgery I told you about in my last post. No date is set yet, but they think sometime late in the summer. He is calm about it. I am scared....but I don't show (I hope)

Right now he is messing about in the kichen ...baking me a birthdaycake! In Norway we use cakes with a lot of fresh fruits and heaps of wipped cream and marzipan...mmmmm

Happy birthday to me!!

All good things...

All good things must come to an end....so did this weekend sadly.

I am once again on my own after a weekend of  sex, drugs and rock'n roll!
But the drugs beeing painkillers on my behalf. I had a wonderful time, and I realy miss the boys.
But here is yet another Monday with draining and hospitalaizing ...yuck.

I will go to se Sander first. Today the doctors are going to decide if they are going to try and operate on him one more time. A desperate shot in the dark maybe, but it is posibble he will feel less pain this time.  When he has the attacks they do those kind of spermatick cord blocks on him.
And now they want to try a microsurgey procedyre called (I have to google it) denervation of the spermatick cord. It is a tricky procedyre because of all the scaring he has, but they think they have a fair chance of sucseeding. So Sander has given them a "go". IF they do decide to go ahead, the German surgon will come here once again to preform it.
I have mixed feelings over this, cause it does not help more than 50 % ....but if he is willing to try I will suport him. 

It is time for me to go now. Nurse Tim is getting pushy here! He is the one driving!
Have a good spring week everyone!

Love Ravn.

Angels and sinners.

So at least I have one reader left! Thanks Fire! :)

My love is still in hospital, and I have Lasse and Peter for company this weekend.
They arived yesterday, and it was realy great to see them again.
I have given the nurses the weekend of just so they wont think I am a big slut
for installing the three of us in the downstairs bedroom...*blush*
I needed sex, and I needed it desperately!  It was a first time with me and Peter, and wow!
I almost regrett that I never gave in to him back then when he flirted with me...lol
I just loved it! And the combo Lasse/Peter is unbeatable.
I even think my nuts hurts a little less this morning, and that made me sing in the shower a while ago.
And I refuse to feel bad or slutty about it!

We will go to se Sander in hospital later on, and maybe we will go out this evening. If my body is up to it. Things can change rapidly with me, you know.

In the middle of all this I have been thinking alot of Arn lately. It is a year ant two months since he died now. And I still have a problem beliveing that he is gone. And I got to think..
Did I ever tell you his story? How we met him, and how he and Lasse became a couple?

Ok, if you have read it before. You can just stop here :) I think I need to write about him this morning.

As you all know Sander lived in a youthcare living project from the age of 14 -16. He met Lasse there, and they soon became best friends. When Lasse moved out two new boys moved in. Arn, and his twin brother Adrian. They where 16 I think (or was it 15?)
It realy doesnt matter that much does it!
And theire story was tragick. They had lost both their parents in a car crash and the same crash almost killed Arn. Adrian miraculosly just broke his arm. Arn almost crushed his pelvis and leggs and had to stay in hospital for a long, long time. He was in severe pain and almost gave up
 but his brother was by his side all the time, and urged him back to life

Over the year Arns condition got worse and worse, with cronich pain and tumors poping up. He was the one suffering the most. More than me and Sander. More than anyone knew I think.

Lasse, who often vissited Sander after he had moved out..knew he was gay already back then. And fell head over heals in love with Arn. And I understand him. I think Arn was the prettyest human beeing I have ever seen! He could easily have made it big as a male model with his beautiful face, thick blond hair and slender body.
He had that perfect combination between all male and tuch of femeninity that is so rare to find.
(besides he had the biggest dick I have ever seen...hehe)

Arn was so shy back then, that Sander had to acompany him on his first date with Lasse. But after that the two of them hit it of. But in time it became clear that Arns codition was not going in the right direction. He was unable to finnish scool, and the two brothers decided to go up to Northern Norway to live with an aunt. Arn needed care and she was the only family they had left. After a while Lasse moved up there too, just to be with his love. And he stayed with him until Arn took his own life 14 months ago. Sweet Arn...
How we miss you! Our angel in faded jeans...

I think Lasse is thinking of him all the time, but he has a good life with Peter. And he is so sure that he will meet Arn again on the other side somehow. I think so too. And until then I feel good about having a gay angel in blue jeans looking after me from up there!

It is still early in the day. I am going to take my morning medication, and crawl back into bed with my guests. I am preparing for a "hot" weekend...and maybe ( as a resultt) a less painfull draining on Monday!

Love Ravn

Where are you?

I  have been reading back on my blogg these days...some life...
I dear say it has not  been the funniest thing to read!
What a boring life!!

But it have made me miss many of you guys who used to be out there in the big cyberworld...
How are you all? Where are you? Are you still here reading?  Bigg and HB, Joe, Leo, Wife, Countrygirl, Swan, Ron, Jimmy?? 

Even Butterflies and Firethorn seems to have abandoned me...and I can't help worrying...and hoping that you are ok and buissy with your lives.

It would be fun if you took time to write and tell me...and doe's anybody know what happened to Bigg and HB?? I miss HB so much...and I cant get in touch with him:(

I love you all!

Ravn

Still hanging in here...

Did u think u was rid of me? Naaaa.... I am still hanging in here...we both are.

But life is bitchy right now, and we have both been in hospital.
I just got out yesterday, and Sander is still there.
Hurting after a major attac that almost made me think I would loose him.
It was realy scary stuff. And the worst one so far.

Me....I've been going in and out of hospital all spring.
Hurting from draining,
 getting maybe a day or twos break from the pain until another draining is due.
 It sucks. It sucks big time!!

On the bright side, our houseplan is ready!
And the house we are building with Trine and Simon will be ready by christmas (yeay)
It has become a onestory building with two separate apartments.
We first wanted two floors, but then Sander wouldn't be able to go up and vissit upstairs,
so it is better to have it all on the same level.
We will have a big open plan kichen/diner/livingroom.
Two bedrooms (the main one with an en suite) a nursesstation.
 A separate bathroom, utillityroom and a garage.
A big wooden sundeck will run all around the house
and be shared with the other flat.
That is slightly bigger than ours.
The plot is not far from our house,
 but located on a hilltopp with grate vieves over the suroundings.
It is bit scary selling of the house I grew up in,
 but we have to do this to give Sander a better life.
It will be better for all of us I think.
 And the kids wont even have to dress to come and see us.
 That will be great, and Trine will continue as our nightnurse.
So It will all turn out for the best.


We had the most fabulous spring,
but beeing coped up in hospital most of the time we have not been able to enjoy it much.
 
This week the weather have decided on bringing back winter.
  Not so cool. It is feeeeezing outside.


We all worry for Sander after the last attack.
It is not suposed to happen anymore,
and it is cerainly not suposed to almost kill him!!!
What to do??
He is silent and I supose he is scared shitless.
But he never says. He never do.

So our little world goes on...
how are u all coping out there?

Love Ravn.

The joys of beeing a bystander.

And so the winter slowly turns towards spring...it is raining. Spring is not normally due until April, but with the rain and all I swear I can almost smell it.

Here in Casa "Ravn and Sander" life goes on...I have spent the better part of last week in hospital after a drainig from hell, and Sander spent almost two weeks in there due to an attack and pain that wouldnt leave. He still hurts...I still hurt. We are two broken toys in this big old toybox called life.

Next week is wintervacation, and Granny is going up to Trondheim to vissit my babysis. Iver (still not ok from the last inflam) will stay with us for the week.
He has not been able to go back to school after xmas yet, and my heart bleeds for him.

Lasse has left us. He and Peter got to rent a flat downtown Oslo, and we don't se much of them theese days. Can't say I blame them. We are no fun to be around. Our 87 years old neighbour has more action in her life than we have.
A year has gone by since Arn died, and we all miss him terribly, and I don't know ...maybe Lasse is rushing in to things. I don't know. I wish him and Peter the best. I just hope it is more than sex thats binding them to each other.

I am once again so goddamned tired and depressed, and I realy can't se no way out of this parodi of a life we are living. The single thing that keeps me hanging in there is Sander, and my love for him...but we are both so run down and tired from winter and constant pain. Nothing is fun anymore. (Sorry for writing this, but it is a sad fackt.)
There is not much joy in beeing a bystander to life. So forgive me for not writing here so often anylonger. I have nothing to write about realy...

Love Ravn.