Damned!!

Damned!

I came home from a trip downtown and Sander has been passing out from pain twice while I am gone. Shit! He is realy hurting now and the painkillers who normally can get an elefant to sleep does'nt do the trick anymore.

Right now we waits for his Doc to come decide if Sander needs to go to hospital.
I say he does:(
He is laying on the bed next to me pretending to be asleep...but he is not.
I can tell by the uneven breathing. He is probebly trying hard not to cry.
I wish he would ...I wish he would let me hold him and comfort him and kiss away his tears...but he wont..
I wonder what ghosts from his childhood has made him this way....who made him think that pain is for sissys and tears are not leagal. His parents?
I wish he would tell me somthing about his childhood...but he keeps it all inside.

Can pain be psycik? Can the traumas he must have endured make him hurt now as an adult? I realy would like to know...Maybe if he would just talk about it, it would be less painfull for him? What do u think? I so much want for him to be out of this prison his childhood keeps him locked in..but I don't know how..not even a year in psyck...knew how....

I hear the Docs car pulling up outside now...hopefully he will call an ambulanse and get my love to hospital where he can get some proper painreleaf..

.....................................

Now it is almost midnight,and Sander is in hospital.The Doc decided right away that he needed to be there...he didnt protest or anything, so I guess he deep down wantede to go there...my poor love...