Update 2

Theres no change in Ravns condition. :(

Sander.

Update.

Hey, it's Sander.
I am home again from hospital and feeling a bit better.

Ravn is still there, still fighting the inflamation, he is still kept asleep in intensive care ward.

Sander.

Hospital.

Both Sander and Ravn are in hospital with inflamations.Ravn wanted me to tell you.

L.

I realy have no words...

July 22nd 2011. The day my country lost her virginity...

I realy have no words strong enough to express how I feel tonight. At this hour we count 92 dead. Mostly teens. Killed by an insane masmurderer at a political summercamp at Utøya. Just about an hour before he had blown up the government buildings in Oslo.

Oh, I'll admitt it. I thought it was an Islamic activist at first. I realy did. But he was not. He turned out to be a fullblooded Norwegian christian, conservative, rightwinged, racist..

So know this: Terrorism comes in all shapes, and from all kinds of sick people. It does't matter if you are a muslim or a christian..a sick mind has nothing to do with religion. It just hides behind it!

We in this little peaceful corner of the world have been shaken firmly in our belives in freedom. We must not let this get to us!! We must not let it put an end to true and free democrasy. He can harm us, and even kill us, but he can't kill whats inside the people of Norway! We are united in this belive! We are strong, and we will grow even stronger from this!!

But please....take some time to remember...even a masmurderer are somebodys child...
Pray for his folks as well as for the victims and their familys.

Love Ravn.

Tired

Sometimes it is good to be all alone...or almost alone. The nurses are there all the time :(

Granny is going to be with Dad's family for a week. So Sander and Lasse are going to stay on the farm to babysit Iver while I'm having fun in hospital draining tomorrow.
I don't mind them going. I am not great company.Sander wanted to stay here, but I urged him to leave. I think I need to be by myself for a while. Besides I will be hurting badly most of the time anyway.

Nothing seems to cheer me up nowadays...I realy don't care anymore what happens to me. I know...it is not good. But I cant bring my self to care. I am so damned tired of it all. I feel old and spent...I feel done...

Don't get me wrong. I am not going to kill myself. I just don't know how to find anything pleasent in my life anymore. It is as I lost the will to fight...and I can't find it even if I am trying. Wich I am not....sorry..

Sander is better of without my gloomy disposition ...I even think..in the middel of the night..when pain keeps me awake..that he and Lasse would be a good match. Even wishing for it...cause then I would not have to keep going on...I am so unbelivable,utterly fed upp and tired...I think I resign...

I am sorry..forget it, will you...
Sorry..

One wedding and a funeral.

Yes, I am still alive. Not feeling very good, but alive..

Tomorrow there's gonna be a wedding, and I am going to atend! No matter how much I hurt.. I am going to be there for Trine. I will just stuff myself with painkillers, and do my best. So wish me luck!

Days go by in a blur..nothing is realy fun or good when I am like this.

Sander and Lasse has been up North to get Lasses things and clean out his and Arns apartment.
They brought Arns ashes with them back here. Next week Adrian will come down, and there will be a small funeral-ceremony as Arns ashes will be buried next to his parents.
I think it will be good for Lasse to have a grave to go to.
He had a very rough time cleaning out the apartment. Sander and Adrian helped out, but to go through Arns stuff and sort of move him out of his life....that must have been hellish. I am glad Sander was with him.

And the summer just slips away...it has been lousy so far. Not much sun, but warm and damp. I hate that kind of weather! It makes me feel iritable and sticky all over. I long for sunshine and dry wind...but it is not as I am going anywhere...my body wont allowe anything but laying in the hammock anyway...
I am as usual no fun to be around.

How are your summmer?

Love Ravn

LIve from hospital...

Hi! This is me live from hospital!
I am still in here. My pain is little less severe due to the morphinepump. But I still don't feel great. I had a pretty high fever when I got in Monday, but they have managed to bring it down now.

So heres the thing: They want me to have surgery to my prostate, and posibly my nuts as well. I refuse! I can't se how messing with my damaged prostate can cause anything but more pain and a possible impotence. Hell, I don't want to be deprived of my boner! So as long as they can't garantie that surgery will help. I wont let them. No way. The possibility of spreading inflamation from my chronic inflamed prostate to the rest of my body is also significant. That would probebly kill me. So no, I wont!

I miss Sander and I miss home. He is not feeling good. So the nurses back home wont alow him to come and se me. Lasse has been here every day. Iver and Chris were here yesterday. They are going back to the farm tomorrow. Maybe we will have them again later this summer. With me and partly Sander in bad shape they have not had much fun this week.

The urologists are discussing the whole draining thing. Is there another way? Can they be less brutal? They don't know it seems. So I guess they are still going to torture me every fourtnight.

It is boring to be here bedridden, but I am in to much pain to realy care. I sleep alot and dream wiered dreams.My drugged mind can't focus on reading. And I hope u will excuse me for writing even worse english than usual.

My main problem now is Trines wedding a little more than two weeks from now. I am suposed to be her "Maid? of honour" (what do you call me? Man of honour?)and that's impossible if I lay here..:(
I missed Millas birth cause of this fucking fragile body of mine. And i just wont let it screw up Trines wedding too! No way!! I am gonna be there for her even if they have to carry me!

Looks like I am gonig for bloodtests. Have a nice day all (or my one reader, Firethorne)

Love Ravn